Burt Gummer: That's right. Fly right into my crosshairs, you fire-farting son of a bitch.
Vicki Summers: Gertie, I'm sorry for that time in junior high when I told everyone to start calling you Ba-Chunk-a-Dunk, and then I covered your locker in bacon. That was so crappy and I'm so sorry! I'm such a bad person.
Gertie Michaels: You're not, it's okay. If it makes you feel better, last summer I'm the one who spread the rumor that said you had a weird disease where you were always on your period.
Vicki Summers: Wow, that's evil.
Gertie Michaels: Thank you.
Dr. Hexler: Tell me about Lili... Where did she come from?
Einar Wegener: Inside of me.
Paul Shaffer: Bill.
Bill Murray: Paul.
Paul Shaffer: Yeah. Where we going?
Bill Murray: You haven't quit drinking yet, have you?
Paul Shaffer: Should I?
Bill Murray: Good man.
Pete: You brought your guitar.
Ricki: Yeah, just the one.
Bella: Oh please, like this cabin in the woods shit really happens.
Edmundo: You put the weed in the coconut, and light that shit up.
Jane: That's the world, that's politics. That's how it works. It starts out with big promises and ends up with jackshit happening. But like the man said: "If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal."
James: Just be glad you don't have what Samantha had got.
Riley: Why, what'd she have?
James: Well, you know, they're not really telling me much but my buddy over at the coroner's office said it's some kind of necrotic STD - it's some really gnarly shit.
Riley: Shit?
Riley: Yeah... well you didn't fuck her did you?
James: Neh... What? No.
Gertrude Bell: Paradise has no time, age or sanctuary. Awaits us.
Libby Day: The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it.
Adam Jr.: I'm a god. I'm a fuckin' god.
Balem Abrasax: Bring her to me... Now.
Inspector Turpin: Be careful Mr. Frankenstein, you toy with wrathful forces. And there's no mercy in nature.
Jim White: So, do you guys get paid by the hour?
David Diaz: No, the field.
Matthew: The cross is bloodstained. It loves. It forgives. It demands.
Kristen: Why didn't you protect him?
Annie Dwyer: If we die here tomorrow, it will have been worth it.
Fish: Alright, all secondary characters, come with me.