Ned Pepper: What's your intention? Do you think one on four is a dogpaw?
Rooster Cogburn: I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned. Or see you hanged in Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience. Which'll it be?
Ned Pepper: I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!
Rooster Cogburn: Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!
Butch: Man, I got vision and the rest of the world wears bifocals.
Mrs. Fenty: You should read the Bible, Mr. Rumson.
Ben Rumson: I have read the Bible, Mrs. Fenty.
Mrs. Fenty: Didn't that cure your appetite for drinking?
Ben Rumson: No, but it sure killed my appetite for readin'.
Squadron Leader Canfield: The engine's overheating, and so am I! Either we stand down, or blow up! Now which do you want?
Dutch Engstrom: They'll be waitin' for us.
Pike Bishop: I wouldn't have it any other way.
Teddy Lloyd: A man with a wife and six children plus a schoolgirl for a mistress can be called any number of rude names, but "coward" is not one of them.
Jason McCullough: How's Joe?
Jake: Oh, he figures he's going to be out of here and we're going to be dead about this time tomorrow.
Jason McCullough: Did he seem to feel any sorrow over the fact that we might all be killed?
Jake: No, it's more like he planned to dance and spit all over our graves.
Jason McCullough: Sounds like Joe.
Irene Molloy: Do get done with that, Minnie. The men are eyeing us for the wrong reasons.
Minnie Fay: A banana a day keeps the doctor away.
Irene Molloy: You mean an apple a day.
Minnie Fay: Who ever heard of a doctor slipping on an apple peel?
Mr. Short: Miss Dobbin, what's the meaning of this?
Miss Dobbin: I'm sorry sir but the gentlemen kept touching things.
Charlie Muggins: Yes she was showing me how to stick the pole up.
Reporter: Mr. Swope, did you sleep with your wife before you were married?
Putney Swope: Not a wink.
Charlie Croker: You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!
Boy #1: What shall we call him? Should we call him Harold?
Boy #2: Uh, Bruce?
Children: No.
Girl #1: Christopher Columbus?
Children: Oh, no.
Boy #3: Oatmeal?
Children: Oatmeal?!
James Bond: Moneypenny, what would I do without you?
Moneypenny: My problem is that you never do anything with me.
Alice Henderson: Listen! You tell me why do you think we come out here?
Carol Sanders: To have fun.
Alice Henderson: And what is more fun than an orgy! Orgy.
Billy: You must be some important dude, man. Like, that treatment.
George Hanson: Dude? What does he mean, dude? Dude ranch?
Billy: Dude.
Captain America: Hell no. Dude means - nice guy, you know. Dude means: regular sort of person.
George Hanson: Well, you boys don't look like you're from this part of the country.
Clayton Stone: Jesus, fifty-five minutes... We'll be pretty cold by then.
Buzz Lloyd: Well, one of us' gonna have to go. I mean uh... that's what we're talkin' about, isnt it? One of us goes and the... other two stay. What... what are we gonna do?
Clayton Stone: Alright look. Let's do this scientifically: two big guys throw the little guy out, okay?
Dr. Petrie: It's hot in here.
Inspector Ahmet: Then take your clothes off.
Dr. Petrie: A gentleman never takes his clothes off in public.
The Count: The Maldorais line must continue, and God must know where the Americans fit. Americans are brave, and that is why they seem like children. They are young, wild animals, so what can you expect?.. I expect a child.
The Narrator: Food on a chain gang is scarce and not very nourishing. The men get one hot meal a day: a bowl of steam.