Detective: Now, I know you think you're smart, see, 'cause you got all them flashy clothes, you got that big car there, you got all them black b**ches working for you.
Dolemite: You forgot about the white ones.
Hooper: You know those eight guys in the fantail launch out there? Well, none of 'em are gonna make it out of the harbor alive.
Frank: A mental mind fuck can be nice.
Raisuli: I will see you again, Mrs Pedicaris, when we are both like golden clouds on the wind.
Second brother: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu...
Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother.
Second brother: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'
Maynard: Amen.
Knights: Amen.
King Arthur: Right! One... Two... Five!
Sir Galahad: Three, sir!
King Arthur: Three!
Ben Clark: I'm getting chest pains. You give me chest pains.
Willy Clark: It's my fault you get excited?
Ben Clark: Yes! I only get chest pains on Wednesdays.
Willy Clark: So come Tuesdays.
Bartholomew: No player is greater than the game itself. Its a significant game, in a number of ways, the velocities of the ball, the awful physics of the track, and in the middle of it all: men - playing by an odd set of rules. Its not a game man is supposed to grow strong in, Jonathan. You appreciate that, don't you?
Rooster Cogburn: Say, uh, there's one thing I would like to get straight.
Eula: Hmm.
Rooster Cogburn: We both know that the Lord brands lyin' a sin. You think He'll still smile on you after them whoppers you told in there?
Eula: And if thy words stray from the truth for the good of God's own, if thy intent be pure, thou shall not then be judged sinful.
Rooster Cogburn: Beautiful quotation. What book? What chapter?
Eula: I will confess, Reuben, it is of my own invention, I just made it up.
Peachy Carnehan: Keep looking at me. It helps to keep my soul from flying off.
Preacher: Dorothy the only thing I know, is that your momma's a hoe.
Bobbie Markowe: I think there's something in the water that turns us into house fraus.
Nora Walker Hobbs: What about the boy? What about the boy? What about the boy? He saw it all.
Frank Hobbs: He didn't see it, he didn't hear it, he will say nothing to no one.
The Duke: It is when I see others degraded that I rejoice knowing it is better to be me than the scum of "the people." Whenever men are equal, without that difference, happiness cannot exist. So you wouldn't aid the humble, the unhappy. In all the world no voluptuousness flatters the senses more than social privilege.
Miss Jones: Rosie, how many times you been married?
Rosie: Eleven. Ten without a preacher or license.
Miss Jones: Well, did you love any of 'em?
Rosie: Oh, all of 'em! Every one of 'em! The good and the bad. It's a shame to waste all that prime beef on a guy serving three to five in a prison. Do you keep in touch?
Miss Jones: Oh, he's kind of a lousy letter writer.
Rosie: A lousy bank robber, too.
Blind beggar: I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money.
Miss McCraw: This we do for pleasure, so that we may shortly be at the mercy of venomous snakes and poisonous ants. How foolish can human creatures be.
Blood: A cautous young fellow named Lodge / Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?
Roger Marsh: Hey everybody! Lighten up! It's all over.
Sonny: You'd like to kill me? Bet you would.
Sheldon: I wouldn't like to kill you. I will if I have to.
Sonny: It's your job, right? The guy who kills me... I hope he does it because he hates my guts, not because it's his job.
Lucy van Pelt: What are you doing, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: I'm waiting for valentines.
Lucy van Pelt: Oh, well. Good luck.
Charlie Brown: Thank you.
Lucy van Pelt: You'll need it.
Charlie Brown: You didn't have to say that!