Omi: It started with the wind, on a cold night, much like this. It was almost Christmas, but this Christmas was darker, less cheerful. But I still believed in Santa, in magic and miracles, and the hope that we could find joy again. But our village had given up on miracles, and on each other. They had forgotten the spirit of Christmas, the sacrifice of giving, and my family was no different. I tried to help them to believe again, but we were no longer the loving family I remembered. They too had given up. And eventually, so did I. And for the first time, I didn't wish for a miracle. I wished for them to go away. A wish I would come to regret. And that night, in the darkness of a howling blizzard... I got my wish. I knew Saint Nicholas was not coming this year. Instead, it was a much darker, more ancient spirit. The shadow of Saint Nicholas. It was... Krampus. And as he had for thousands of years, Krampus came not to reward, but to punish, not to give, but to take. He, and his helpers. I could only listen as they dragged my family into the underworld, knowing that I would be next. But Krampus did not take me that night. He left me, as a reminder of what happens when hope is lost, when belief is forgotten, and the Christmas spirit...dies.
Milo: It's too late! You were supposed to kill them all.
Edith Cushing: You're monsters. Both of you.
Lucille Sharpe: Funny. That's the last thing Mother said, too.
Louis: Bitch, you barkin' up the wrong fucking tree. I'm from Oakland, ho. I know two ghetto ass hoes when I see 'em.
Fin Shepard: It's not space I'm worried about. It's the sharks.
Sergeant: Maybe the sharks can help with the aliens.
Fin Shepard: Aliens?
Elise Rainier: Loving someone is just delayed pain, isn't it?
Sheriff Franklin Hunt: Say goodbye to my wife. I'll say hello to yours.
Emily: You know, I've heard of spirit photography before, but I've never actually seen it in person.
Kristen: Why didn't you protect him?
Cheerleader #1: So how does it feel being in drama Cassi?
Cassidy Spilker: Uh, such a bitch.
Ryan Shoos: Uh what?
Cassidy Spilker: What? If I had of known there was going to be so much actual drama involved I wouldn't have picked it.
James: Just be glad you don't have what Samantha had got.
Riley: Why, what'd she have?
James: Well, you know, they're not really telling me much but my buddy over at the coroner's office said it's some kind of necrotic STD - it's some really gnarly shit.
Riley: Shit?
Riley: Yeah... well you didn't fuck her did you?
James: Neh... What? No.
Gertie Michaels: You know that Chris broke up with Vicki last week, right? And she is a mess! Have you seen the veiled suicide note/poem she posted on her Facebook page? It's so hilarious! I read it out loud to myself. A lot.
Victor Von Frankenstein: Igor, you and I shall be at the heart of a scientific enterprise that will change the world. We shall create life out of death.
Burt Gummer: That's right. Fly right into my crosshairs, you fire-farting son of a bitch.
Bella: Oh please, like this cabin in the woods shit really happens.
Ben: All right, scouts. Let's kick some zombie ass.
Dr. Brooke Powell: Why do you do that?
Carrigan Burke: What?
Dr. Brooke Powell: You tell your old war stories and you make yourself sound like an old man.
Carrigan Burke: Comes with the territory. We age in dog years.