Maxim de Winter: Please promise me never to wear black satin or pearls... or to be 36 years old.
Jiminy Cricket: Well... guess he won't need me anymore. What does an actor want with a conscience, anyway?
Oliver Hardy: Where's the basement?
Desk Clerk: Downstairs.
Pete: You know, I used to have a little cat once. And when it was left all alone, it'd cry... meeeeeeeeeoooooooowwwwwww.
Knute, Age 7: Poppa, don't talk Norwegian, talk American. We're all Americans now, especially me. I'm left end.
Don Diego Vega: I must please ask you to change the subject. His Excellency objects to talk of throat-cutting.
Captain Esteban Pasquale: Quiet, you Popinjay! I have no reason to letting you live either.
Don Diego Vega: What a pleasant coincidence. I feel exactly the same way about you Capitan.
Captain Esteban Pasquale: You wouldn't care to translate that feeling into action would you?
Don Diego Vega: I might be tempted. If I had a weapon.
Captain Esteban Pasquale: Would you.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve: Oh, by the way, how was my funeral?
Ma: Lovely. Doctor Blake preached a wonderful service.
Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve: Oh, I wish I had been there.
Schultz: Strange, and I always thought of you as an Aryan.
A Jewish barber: I'm a vegetarian.
Mr. Powers: Foreign correspondent! I could get more news out of Europe looking in a crystal ball.
Michael Shayne: Hey, Steve, that brooch is as phony as a mother-in-law's kiss.
Babe Jenson: Hey Steve, can a dame go crazy from being sawed in half too many times?
Alfred Kralik: There might be a lot we don't know about each other. You know, people seldom go to the trouble of scratching the surface of things to find the inner truth.
Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Well I really wouldn't care to scratch your surface, Mr. Kralik, because I know exactly what I'd find. Instead of a heart, a hand-bag. Instead of a soul, a suitcase. And instead of an intellect, a cigarette lighter... which doesn't work.
Macaulay Connor: The prettiest sight in this fine pretty world is the privileged class enjoying its privileges.
Mr. Taggart: We've no guarantee that these theories of yours are workable.
Thomas A. Edison: Well, most electricity is theory yet.
Mr. Taggart: That's the trouble. Beyond a point what good is electricity anyway?
Thomas A. Edison: What good is a newborn baby?
Louis: What's the matter, Hildy?
Hildy Johnson: Don't give me that innocent stuff! What did you pull on Mr. Baldwin this time?
Louis: Who, me?
Hildy Johnson: Yes, you and that albino of yours.
Louis: You talkin' about Evangeline?
Hildy Johnson: None other.
Louis: She ain't no albino.
Hildy Johnson: She'll do till one comes along.
Louis: She was born right here in this country.
Danny O'Neill: It seems to me I smell a mouse.
Ellen Miller: Somewhere around the house.
Casy: Tom, you gotta learn like I'm learnin'. I don't know it right yet myself. That's why I can't ever be a preacher again. Preachers gotta know. I don't know. I gotta ask.
Elmer Fudd: Doggone you, old, mean wabbit.
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe: We've an old proverb in England that says, "Those who sail without oars stay on good terms with the wind."
Harriet Vane: May I ask what is your motive for liquidating this little animal?