Blanche: This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: In what, Blanche, dog years?
The Extract Obliteration - S6-E6
Stephen Hawking: Do you like brain teasers?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I love brain teasers.
Stephen Hawking: What do Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck. Neener, neener.
Sometimes You Hear the Bullet - S1-E17
Henry Blake: All I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war, and rule number one is that young men die. And rule number two is that doctors can't change rule number one.
Harrison Wells: You know what? In battle, choose your weapon wisely. Some people choose a gun. I choose a Philips head screwdriver.
Cisco: Oh, oh. I'm sorry. You're so particular.
Harrison Wells: Ramone, could you just please? Have you ever worked with a tool before?
Cisco: I'm working with one now.
A Scandal in Belgravia - S2-E1
Sherlock Holmes: Punch me in the face.
John Watson: Punch you?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
John Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.
Walter White: Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears. It ceases to exist, without me. No, you don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!
Captain Stanley: How are you and Brice getting along?
Roy: Fine. Fine. We're getting along just fine.
Captain Stanley: Thought for a while there might be a little personality problem.
Roy: No, I can work with just about anybody. I can get along with just about anybody.
Captain Stanley: Glad to hear that.
Roy: Just might have to bust him in the mouth to do it.
Selling Out - S1-E9
Frasier: Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.
Dean Winchester: Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.
When You Wish Upon a Weinstein - S3-E22
Peter Griffin: You better watch who you're calling a child Lois. Because if I'm a child then you know what that makes you? A paedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
Adrian Monk: Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not.
Robot: Danger, Will Robinson! Danger.
June Cleaver: Dear, do you think all parents have this much trouble?
Ward Cleaver: No, just parents with children.
Spike: You listen to me. [Kneels in front of her.] I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. [Buffy looks away; he reaches toward her face.] Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you, " it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.
Buffy: [Quietly.] I don't wanna be the one.
Vivian: Philip, when I met you, you were into James Brown.
Will: He liked James Brown?
Vivian: Even wore his hair like him.
Will: He had hair?
The Mystery of Skull Island - S6-E14
Al Bundy: "I Care", by Al Bundy. When hooters jiggle around and I find nickels on the ground, I care. When a Mustang engine purrs and the bathroom is not hers, I care. When the pitchers on the mound and the wife is underground, I care. But when I've been playing this for days, I will kill anyone who stays, I SWEAR!
Cole: Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you?