Bishop73

The Virgin - S4-E10

Elaine: Look at George. He lucked out, huh?
Jerry: Oh, you're not kidding. Who'd have figured Susan would break up with him? They had a good thing going.
Elaine: Yeah. Since she met him, she's been vomited on, her family's cabin's been burned down, she learned her father's a homosexual, and she got fired from a high-paying network job. Yeah, they had a real good thing going.

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Danny Vermin: Dames are put on this Earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us naked.

Bishop73

The Glasses - S5-E3

Doctor: OK.
Elaine: Okay? That's it? I don't need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot. Dog bite.
Elaine: No, no, no. I know I wasn't shot. Do I need a shot.
Doctor: Not shot. Dog bite. Woof-woof, not bang-bang.

Bishop73

Mr. Dundee: All we want is Moronie's money. Go ahead, kid.
Roman Moronie: You fargin sneaky bastige! I gonna take your dwork and I gonna nail it to the wall! I gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder! I gonna cut off your arms! I gonna shove 'em up your icehole! Dirty sum un a batch! My own club!

Bishop73

The Switch - S6-E11

Jerry Seinfeld: Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I have to dress different. I have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and...I'd need a new bedspread, new curtains. I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. Of course, I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. No. I'm not ready for it.

Bishop73

The Switch - S6-E11

George Costanza: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?

Bishop73

The Gymnast - S6-E6

Mr. Pitt: I have been accused of wrongdoing, but these false accusations will not deter us. We will annex Poland by the spring at any cost! And, our stocks will rise high!

Bishop73

The Sponge - S7-E9

Pharmacist: Can I help you?
Elaine: Yeah, do you have any Today Sponges? I know they're off the market, but I was...
Pharmacist: Actually we have a case left.
Elaine: A case? A case of Sponges? I, I mean a case. Hah. Uh... H-how...? How many come in a case?
Pharmacist: 60.
Elaine: 60? Um... Well, I'll take 3.
Pharmacist: 3.
Elaine: Well, make it 10.
Pharmacist: 10?
Elaine: 20 Sponges should be plenty.
Pharmacist: Did you say 20?
Elaine: Yeah. 25 Sponges is just fine.
Pharmacist: 25?
Elaine: Yeah.
Pharmacist: You're set with 25?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. Just give me the whole case, I'll be on my way.

Bishop73

The Secret Code - S7-E7

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, my God. Look at this. It's the new J. Peterman catalog. Look.
George Costanza: "The Rogue's Wallet. It's where he kept his card, his dirty little secret. Short, devious, balding... His name was Costanza. He killed my mother."

Bishop73

The Yada Yada - S8-E19

Father Curtis: Tell me your sins, my son.
Jerry: Uh, well I should mention that I'm Jewish.
Father Curtis: Oh, that's no sin.
Jerry: Oh, good. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I, I have a suspicion he that he converted to Judaism for the jokes.
Father Curtis: And this offends you as a Jewish person?
Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian. And it'll interest you to know, that he's also telling Catholic jokes. And they're old jokes. I mean, the Pope and Raquel Welch in a lifeboat.
Father Curtis: I haven't heard that one.
Jerry; Oh, I'm sure you have. They're out on the ocean and yada, yada, yada and she, and she says "those aren't buoys."
Father Curtis: [Laughing].
Jerry: [Father Curtis still laughing] Father.
Father Curtis: One second. [Continues laughing].

Bishop73

The Little Kicks - S8-E4

George Costanza: Anna told me that Elaine said I was one of the worst seeds she'd ever seen.
Jerry Seinfeld: Interesting. She doesn't care for you. Then a stern warning. Suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs the bad boy.
George: I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy.
Jerry: You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend.
George: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Jerry: The bad fiancé, bad dinner guest, bad credit risk.
George: OK, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen. The bad tipper.

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Dave: Mr. Huddelston, there a vicious rumor going around this building that I'm deaf. I don't know how it started, but I don't like it. It's very humiliating. So let's try and put a stop to it.

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Big Enos: See, son, old legends never die. They just lose weight.
Little Enos: Seems like a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot alike, Daddy.

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Happy Hogan: You take care of the suit. I'll take care of the music.
[AC/DC's "Back in Black" starts playing].
Peter Parker: Oh, I love Led Zeppelin!

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Mrs. Berenger: I'm going to hold up a series of images, and I want you to tell me what you see. Just say the first thing that comes into your mind.
Inspector Clouseau: A drunken Irishman. An Englishman with bad teeth. A San Francisco nancy boy. A Polish army officer driving a septic tank. [Laughing] Where did you get these cards?

Bishop73

Ribbit and Rip It - S1-E8

Daredevil: I'm going to sneak into the side and take out the goons in the back. It'll take me 15 seconds to take out each one. So, you just wait here until I've gotten all 10.
Jen Walters: Uh, I'm not gonna sit here for a half an hour while you pick off goons one by one.
Daredevil: That's not how that math works out.

Bishop73

The Law of Non-Contradiction - S3-E3

Officer Oscar Hunt: You don't use Facebook? You're kidding me. Everybody's on Facebook. It's Facebook.
Gloria Burgle: Could you stop saying Facebook?
Oscar: I got 352 friends. Most of 'em I don't even know. But...oh, and, and this one time, I met this chick, she was smoking hot. Then she turned out to be a Nigerian man...who wanted money.

Bishop73

A Current Affair - S5-E7

President Jefferson Williams: I did not have homicidal relations with that woman, Maggie Beckett.

Bishop73

Just Say Yes - S4-E7

Agent Lowell: That's Mallory all right. Busted twice for non-possession. Jumped bail a year ago and ran off to Mexico.
Damon: I heard he died of an under-dose.
Agent Lowell: Same here. I guess we were wrong, huh? It's a safe bet Mallory snuck back into the country to spread more of his anti-drug propaganda. A guy like that shouldn't be on the street.

Bishop73

Superhuman Law - S1-E2

Morris Walters: Uh, Jen, that Hawkeye guy, what happens to those arrows of his? I mean, does he go around and collect them when he's done?

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