Best comedy movie quotes of all time

Paul Blart: Safety never takes a holiday.

Rooster: The sun came up again? I can't believe it! I thought when I closed my eyes last night, that that was it! But we have another day of this.

Ssiscool ★

Young C.C.: Iris Myandowski is a hand-walking queer.

Pete: It's four in the fucking morning!
Shaun: It's Saturday!
Pete: No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY?!
Ed: Fuck, yeah!

Marvin: If there's one thing I know, it's women and covert operations.
Frank: Marvin, that's two things.
Han Cho Bai: No, grasshopper. It is not.

[Donkey, Shrek, and Puss in Boots have just been arrested.]
Donkey: What about my rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I had to remain silent!
Shrek: Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

Puss in Boots: Feed me, if you dare.

Tiffany: I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?

Vitruvius: The Special has arisen.
Gandalf: Have the young man step forward.
Vitruvius: As you wish, Dubbledore.
Gandalf: I'm Gandalf!
Dumbledore: It's pronounced Dumbledore.
Vitruvius: Dubbledore?
Dumbledore: No, Dumbledore.
Vitruvius: I thought you said Dubbledore.
Gandalf: Vetruvius!
Vitruvius: Ah, we gotta write all that down 'cause I'm not gonna remember any of it, but here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech.

Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.

Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.

Agatha Trunchbull: You wanted cake, you got cake! Now EAT IT.

Olaf: I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!
Kristoff: Those are my legs.

Lily Harrison

Dr. Phil: What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?
Madea: Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.
Dr. Phil: Yeah but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.
Madea: Yeah but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.

Walter Mitty: To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

Astrid Young Teo: It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.

Crawl: Let's just get the rules straight here. There'll be absolutely no partying in this hall between the hours of 5 and 6 in the morning, without my express written permission. OK cool. Carry on.

Arnie: A little flirtation is harmless but you're dealing with fire here. The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account - forever.

Gurgle: Oh, the human mouth is a disgusting place.

Coach Finstock: There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.