Best comedy movie quotes of 1991

Lawanda Dumore: I hate children. They ruin everything. If I had enough power, I'd wipe them off the face of the earth.

Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?

Ninny Threadgoode: Hey Evelyn, somebody stole my house.

Frank Pesce Jr.: I wanna do something I never did before.
Frank Pesce Sr.: Oh really, then why don't you go upstairs and clean your fucking room.

Ed Furillo: What if you don't encourage them, and they still come after you?
Mitch Robbins: It doesn't happen. See, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Bonnie Rayburn: Good night! I'm going to bed.
Mitch Robbins: Good night! Sleep tight.
Ed Furillo: That was flirting.
Mitch Robbins: No, that was... Politeness. That was "have a pleasant and restful evening."
Ed Furillo: No, that was "I like your ass. Can I wear it as a hat?"

Admiral Benson: Oh, by the way I would like to thank you for having us over for dinner the other night. Cheryl and I thought the stroganoff was marvelous.
Lt. Commander Block: But sir, we didn't have dinner the other night.
Admiral Benson: Really? Then where the hell was I? And who's this Cheryl?

Pugsley: Are they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?

Thomas J. Sennett: Vada?
Vada Sultenfuss: Yeah?
Thomas J. Sennett: Would you think of me?
Vada Sultenfuss: For what?
Thomas J. Sennett: Well, if you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler.
Vada Sultenfuss: I guess.

[Dead Bill S. Preston almost falls down when climbing around in Hell.]
Dead Bill: Ted.
Dead Ted: Yeah?
Dead Bill: If I die, you can have my Megadeth collection.
Dead Ted: But, dude, we're already dead.
Dead Bill: Oh. Well then they're yours, dude.

Nancy Lee Nicholson: Is that a star?
Hank Gordon: No, that's Ted Danson.

Mr. Guttman: Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks good.
Mrs. Guttman: Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin.

Curly Sue: These tights itch... These things stick to your butt.

Woman: What's a mother to do? Lazy brat sits in her room all day, sewing dolls. Children misbehaving in the basement! And one in the wall, doing his business God knows where. You kids will be the death of me... the death of me.

Bryan: I'd respect your privacy more if you weren't so secretive.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Well I'd tell you more if you didn't want to know so much.

Ben Geisler: What Ted Oakam doesn't know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl.

John Moss: Don't eat like me, don't sit like me, and do not smoke like me! I'm trying to quit, anyway.
Nick Lang: Me too.
John Moss: And don't quit like me, either.

Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal.
Joe Hallenbeck: That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife.
Alley Thug: Oh you did, hah? How'd you know it was my wife?
Joe Hallenbeck: She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat.
Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool for a guy about to take a bullet.
Joe Hallenbeck: After fucking your wife I'll take two.

Daniel Miller: Is this Heaven?
Bob Diamond: No, it isn't Heaven.
Daniel Miller: Is it Hell?
Bob Diamond: Nope, it isn't Hell either. Actually, there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close.

George: Who presents this woman? This woman? But she's not a woman. She's just a kid. And she's leaving us. I realised at that moment that I was never going to come home again and see Annie at the top of the stairs. Never going to see her again at our breakfast table in her nightgown and socks. I suddenly realised what was happening. Annie was all grown up and was leaving us, and something inside began to hurt.

Madonna: I wouldn't live in Chicago cause it's too conservative, aside for the fact that Oprah Winfrey lives there.