Best comedy movie quotes of 2005

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka! I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

Nick Mercer: I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.

David Patrick: We stopped off for ice cream.
Winston: When the fuck did we get ice cream?

Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.

Helen: Orlando, what's going.
Orlando: I know you don't believe in fairy tales. But, if you did, I'd want to be your knight in shining armor. You've been through so much. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. Now I may not be able to give you all that your used to. But I do know I can love you past your pain. I don't want you to worry about anything. You just wake up in the morning, that's all you have to do and I'll take it from there. There's one condition. You have to be my wife.

Andy: I dated this girl for a while... She was really a... Nasty freak. She just loved to... Get down with... Sex all the time. It was like... Anytime of day... She was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty! And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

Lola: Ladies, gentlemen and those who are yet to make up your mind.

Chris: I can't hear you Samantha. I can't hear you. OH! Lightbulb.

Lindsey Meeks: You don't see us tangled up in the sheets with the Eiffel Tower in the background. You see the Mariners are coming in, and Pedro's pitching Friday.
Ben: No, on Saturday. Schilling's Friday.

Ruby: I am sick. I am sick, sick, sick of your shit.And when I'm not sick, I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. Now get the car, you old slut.

[The astronaut is throwing food onto the table.]
Danny: Are you doing this to keep Zorgons away?
Astronaut: No, I'm doing this because I've been eating paste out of a tube for fifteen years.

Gloria Cleary: Don't ever leave me!
Jeremy Grey: Ever.
Gloria Cleary: Good. 'Cause I'd find you!

Gwen Grayson: I went through puberty twice for this?!

Dick Harper: Son of a bitch.
Jane Harper: That fucker.
Dick Harper: Hon, language.

Mike Ditka: Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions.

Sweetness: Let's do this, Johnny.

[Quartermaine's hairpiece has been sucked up in the bunvac.]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: I want...toupee, please.
Wallace: Oh, grand. We take cheques or cash.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Toupee, you idiot. My hair is in your machine.
Wallace: Oh, no, it's only rabbits in there. The hare I think you'll find is a much larger mammal.

Private: Skipper, should we tell them the ship is out of gas?
Skipper: Nah. Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

John: That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.
Jane: Oh, come on. It was just a little bomb.

Barkis Bittern: Can a heart still break once it's stopped beating?