Patrick: Don't ever let any one make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
Evelyn: You were actually at Hamunaptra?
Rick: Yeah, I was there.
Evelyn: You swear?
Rick: Every damn day.
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.
Guy Fleegman: I'm not even supposed to be here! I'm just "Crewman Number Six"! I'm expendable! I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is! I've gotta get outta here!
Ivana Humpalot: My name is Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.
Austin Powers: Excuse me?
Ivana Humpalot: Ivana Humpalot.
Austin: And I want a toilet made out of solid gold, but it's just not in the cards now, is it?
Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.
Claude Banks: Don't touch this car.
Rayford Gibson: 'Cause I piss on the motherfucker. I ain't gonna touch it, I piss on it.
Claude Banks: Why you got to say nasty shit, Ray?
Rayford Gibson: 'Cause I'm a nasty motherfucker.
Bethany: I don't want this, it's too big.
Metatron: That's what Jesus said. Yes, I had to tell him. And you can imagine how that hurt the Father - not to be able to tell the Son Himself because one word from His lips would destroy the boy's frail human form? So I was forced to deliver the news to a scared child who wanted nothing more than to play with other children. I had to tell this little boy that He was God's only Son, and that it meant a life of persecution and eventual crucifixion at the hands of the very people He came to enlighten and redeem. He begged me to take it back, as if I could. He begged me to make it all not true. And I'll let you in on something, Bethany, this is something I've never told anyone before... If I had the power, I would have.
Kelly Scott: [On the phone.] Thank you, it's so rewarding to imagine my tax dollar finding its way to you, you fuckshit!
Hector Cyr: You are a saucy flirt.
Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
[Gasp from the class.]
Mr. Garrison: Eric! Did you just say the "F" word?
Cartman: [confused.] Jew?
Kyle: No, not Jew! He's talking about "fuck"! You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: [Muffled.] Fuck.
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
[Gasp from the class.]
Mr. Garrison: What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was...
[Cartman pulls out a bullhorn.]
Cartman: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS? MR. Garrison.
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
Dr. Frankenstein: Finally - my fiendish formula is finished.
Alvin Seville: Try saying that three times - quickly.
Dr. Frankenstein: My finished formula is frrr... my formlest fiendula is... my fishiest formula... my fie... never mind.
Jakob Heym: Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" And the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday." Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" And she replies, "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."
George Little: Maybe we should go home.
Mr. Little: Why?
George Little: I'm not wearing my lucky underwear.
Mr. Little: You don't have lucky underwear.
George Little: Well, maybe we should get some, and then come back for another race.
Catherine Banning: Damn, I hate being a foregone conclusion.
Andy: You must choose, Sheriff Woody. How shall she die? Shark, or death by monkeys?
Miss Hannigan: I don't know whatever I'd do without you.
Annie: Scrub the floors yourself?
Zach Siler: Has anyone see Taylor?
Chandler: What?
Zach Siler: You know, Taylor, my girlfriend.
Dean Sampson: Kinda tall, yells at everyone?
Donnie Shulzhoffer: Hey, you know where a guy can get a rub and a tug around here?
Ben Sobel: My name is Ben Sobel...leone. Ben Sobelleone. I'm also known as Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnauz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once... Once as Miss Phyllis Levine.
Anna Scott: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.