David Patrick: We stopped off for ice cream.
Winston: When the fuck did we get ice cream?
Billy: You scratched my CD! You picked it up in pure daylight and you scratched it.
Mark: I've seen better acting on porno.
Glen: Hey! Guess how many fingers I have.
Steve Barker: Uhh, 10?
Glen: No. I have 8 fingers and 2 thumbs! Ha Ha Ha.
Mark: Why'd you scratch his C D?
Steve Barker: Jeffy just admiring it.
Mark: Do it again and you'll be admiring my butt from the pavement with a straw.
Steve Barker: ...What?
Mark: You heard me.
Glen: People tell us all the time what we won't ever do. Won't ever read, won't ever have a job, won't ever learn to tie my own shoes, won't ever have a girlfriend. Well I have done all those things.
Mark: But you can't tie your own shoes.
Winston: And you never had a girlfwiend.
Glen: That's right.
Thomas: I don't want her to know that I like her, I... did you know Christ was a Jew?
Winston: Hey steve, ask me any movie.
Steve Barker: Okay, hmm..."Jaws"
Winston: That's a good movie.
Steve Barker: I can count to potato.
Rudy: Smooth moove, Ajax.
Glen: Next time we should go Danish - split it 60/60.
Lynn Sheridan: You mean 50/50.
Glen: What, you don't believe in tipping?
Answer: The grandmother takes her grandson to the beach and falls asleep, while she is sleeping a huge wave comes in and sweeps the boy out to sea. Grandma wakes up to find the boy gone and begins to pray "Lord, if you bring him back, I will do anything you want." Another huge wave comes in and deposits the boy safe and sound in front of the grandmother and she looks to heaven and says "he had a hat on, you know!"