Best comedy movie quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
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Sisters picture

Maura Ellis: I don't wear thongs. I have a very fussy taint.

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Patch Adams picture

Patch Adams: You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.

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M*A*S*H picture

Cheerleaders: Sixty-nine, is divine. Sixty-nine, is divine.

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The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel picture

Sonny: Everything will be all right in the end. So if it is not all right, then it is not yet the end.

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Cruella picture

Baroness: Let me give you some advice. You can't care about anyone. Everyone else is an obstacle. You care about what an obstacle wants or feels, you're dead. If I cared about anyone or thing, I might have died like so many brilliant women with a drawer full of unseen genius and a heart full of sad bitterness. You have the talent for your own label. Whether you have the killer instinct is the big question.

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Seven Psychopaths picture

Hans: As Gandhi said...'An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind'. I believe that whole heartedly.
Bill: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy going to take out the eye of the last guy left whose still got one eye left? All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Ghandi was wrong. It's just that nobody's got the balls to come out and say it.

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Weird Science picture

Wyatt: By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Gary: It's ceremonial.
[Later, after Wyatt talks to Chet, Wyatt begins to leave the kitchen and Chet sees him wearing women's underwear.]
Chet: Like your panties.
Wyatt: [walking back into kitchen] It's a joke, Chet. Really.
Chet: No. That is not a joke. That is a severe behavioral disorder. Next thing you know you'll be wearing a bra on your head.

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Ted (2012)

Ted picture

Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.

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Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure picture

Abraham Lincoln: Fourscore and...[looks at his pocket watch]...seven minutes ago... We, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure conceived by our new friends, Bill...and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to a proposition which was true in my time, just as it's true today. Be excellent to each other. And... Party on, dudes!

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Red (2010)

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The Santa Clause 2 picture

Bernard: Curtis, you're 900 years old. Grow up.

Bishop73

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Kingsman: The Secret Service picture

Harry Hart: Manners maketh man. Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.

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Three Amigos picture

Mexican girl: Which one do you like?
Carmen: I like the one that's not so smart.
Mexican girl: Which one is that?

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Fright Night picture

Jerry: You bit off more then you can chew.
Ed: It's too late, man. I told people what you are. You've been made.
Jerry: And you think anyone's actually going to believe you?
Ed: No, No. Don't play that crap. Don't play that mind shit with me. I'm serious. Try me.
Jerry: Okay. You said you're glad you're different.
Ed: Get back!
Jerry: How can you be in a place like this? These people. Even your best friend did nothing to help.
Ed: No.
Jerry: You were born for this and you know it. It's a gift.
[Jerry bites Ed.]

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Heathers picture

Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?

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The Heat picture

Mullins: You're giving her beauty advice? Do you even own a fucking mirror?

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