Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... It's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... Just... Moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
Principal Jane Masterson: You can plunder my dungeon anytime.
Ned Gold: I'll bring my longbow.
Paul Blart: Safety never takes a holiday.
Dr. Phil: What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?
Madea: Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.
Dr. Phil: Yeah but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.
Madea: Yeah but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.
Jack Bruno: Don't go in the pimped out fridge Jack.
Margaret Tate: If you touch my ass one more time I will cut your balls off in your sleep, okay?
[Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume.]
Tallahassee: It's ok. But FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.
Bullhorn: You know he came around here about a week ago, with some cats that I had never seen before. Man I mean these cats looked mean! Meaner than two fat motherfuckers wrestling over pork chops greens, can you dig it?
Rachel Hansen: PMS?
Tom: What do you know about PMS?
Rachel Hansen: More than you, Tom.
Hannah Montana: In my defense, I totally saw those shoes first.
Treyvonetta: Mama said I can't be in no gang.
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
Nick Brady: Dude, I think our bus crashed and we went to heaven.
Shawn Colfax: No... If we had, we'd have heard "We are crashing, we we are crashing."
Alvin: Don't worry about picking us up after school, Toby. We'll catch a ride - IN A HEARSE!
Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!
Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.
Malcolm Tucker: Fuckety-bye-bye then!
Natalie Keener: He broke up with me by text message.
Ryan Bingham: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet.