Best TV quotes of all time

The Cat Who Cried Wolf - S1-E7

Detective Gordon Katsumoto: Why are you following me?
Thomas Magnum: Uh...
Detective Gordon Katsumoto: Word of advice: if you wanna tail someone, don't do it in a red Ferrari. (00:30:00)

Sammo ★

Chapter 46 - S4-E7

Frank Underwood: [Stands between the portraits of Kennedy and Reagan.] All three of us took bullets. [Nods to Reagan's.] Well, I know why we're smiling, we survived.

Friso94

Christopher Moltisanti: Whatever you do, do not engage Silvio in conversation.

Michael: You humans take something wonderful and ruin it just a little bit so you can have more.

Adam Demamp: I'm like one of those dragons from Avatar.

Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Got B.O.? Get DEO.

Pilot - S1-E1

Georgie: Admit it, he's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
Missy: I wish I was adopted.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Cubs Fan ★

Never Ape and Ape Man - S1-E7

Shaggy: Scooby-Snacks won't work on me this time.
Daphne: Would you do it for a Shaggy-Snack? A little something I whipped up.
Shaggy: Huh? A Shaggy-Snack?
Daphne: Yes, it's a pot-pie, with pizza crust, anchovies, pepperoni, cherries, all in a thick chocolate sauce.
Shaggy: Hahahaha! I'll do it! I'll do it!

Quantom X ★

Earthanasia AKA The End of the World Show - S7-E6

Bill: Christmases come, Christmases go. They're all the ruddy same - no one ever remembers them.

Fiona Gallagher: Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night?

Dexter: I am a father, a son, a serial killer.

Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you know Jeff Gordon's gonna die.

Hercules: What are you doing here?
Iolaus: What do you mean?
Hercules: Iolaus, you're dead.
Iolaus: Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't notice.

Silly People - S2-E14

Carlos: You know who you are, Gaby? You're the kind of person who would have turned away Mary and Joseph from the inn.
Gabrielle: Well, they should have called ahead.

Michael Kyle: Well, guess what Junior? You're from the mean streets of Stamford, Connecticut.

Blair Warner: I don't go to wing-dings, I go to cotillions.
Jo Polniaczek: Well if that is a dance at the Hillcrest Country Club, then your cotillion and my wing-ding are the same thing.

Pilot - S1-E1

Michael: They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out. [Silence.] Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen. [Gasps.] Interesting. I would have expected that after "they're keeping Dad in jail."

Hank Moody: You're so beautiful you're almost ugly.

Kill Zone - S1-E9

Lt. Horatio Caine: You're evil, you enjoy death, and I hope you enjoy your own.

Kunta Kinti: What's snow, Fiddler?
Fiddler: Never you mind, boy, never you mind. Let's get on back to home. I got enough trouble teaching you the difference between manure and massa. 'Course there ain't all that much difference when you gets right down to it.