Spike: You listen to me. [Kneels in front of her.] I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. [Buffy looks away; he reaches toward her face.] Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you, " it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.
Buffy: [Quietly.] I don't wanna be the one.
Coombs: I knew I should have updated my will before agreeing to off-world assignments.
Felger: You are not going to die, Coombs.
Coombs: Oh, come on, Felger. We might as well be wearing red shirts.
Felger: I don't get that.
Georgia Thomas: Well, by all means let's hear your opinion, Richard.
Richard Fish: Simple. Men and women. Friction.
Georgia Thomas: That's it? Friction?
Richard Fish: Friction, friction, friction, orgasm. Fishism.
Greg: You wanna have children?
Dharma: Yeah, unless you wanna have 'em.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - S1-E2
Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
Hank: Calm down, Boomhauer! I can't understand a word you're saying.
Floyd: You can be the smartest man in the world - and for all I know, you are - but you will never understand women.
Madeline Magellan: Enough with the pedanticism and let us eat.
Jonathan Creek: The word is pedantry.
80's Batman: This isn't a mudhole. It's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon.
Wally: Hello, and welcome to Wallyphone. If you are Maya Gallo and have an excuse for blowing me off, press one now.
K: Real good there Sparky.
J: Sparky? What happened to Slick?
K: You're going to have to work your way back up to Slick.
Bobby Donnell: It's better that ten guilty men go free, than one innocent man suffer.
Candy: Lunch time already? It's been a good 45 seconds since you last ate. You must be weak from hunger.
Gorgious: Oh, hi, Candy. Hey, this chocolate Catsaban pickles cake you made is pretty good. Could use more sugar though. Hmmm, want some?
Candy: Eh, uh, no thanks. Gorgious, you should consider a more healthy diet. Your body is a temple, you know. You should eat light, drink lots of water and get plenty of exercise and most of all, remember, never, NEVER eat anything bigger than your head. I can see I'm wasting my breath, but mark my words, Gorgious. This sugar addiction of yours will be the death of you.
Alpha 6: Yo yo yo, whatcha talkin' about?
Christopher Morris: You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak.
Sean Hanlon: You know, under these clothes I have the body of a Calvin Klein model.
Girl: Yeah, Kate Moss.
Augustus Hill: OZ. The name on the street for the Oswald State Correctional Facility, Level 4.