Spike: You listen to me. [Kneels in front of her.] I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. [Buffy looks away; he reaches toward her face.] Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you, " it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.
Buffy: [Quietly.] I don't wanna be the one.
Coombs: I knew I should have updated my will before agreeing to off-world assignments.
Felger: You are not going to die, Coombs.
Coombs: Oh, come on, Felger. We might as well be wearing red shirts.
Felger: I don't get that.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - S1-E2
Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
Georgia Thomas: Well, by all means let's hear your opinion, Richard.
Richard Fish: Simple. Men and women. Friction.
Georgia Thomas: That's it? Friction?
Richard Fish: Friction, friction, friction, orgasm. Fishism.
Greg: You wanna have children?
Dharma: Yeah, unless you wanna have 'em.
Floyd: You can be the smartest man in the world - and for all I know, you are - but you will never understand women.
Hank: Calm down, Boomhauer! I can't understand a word you're saying.
Candy: Lunch time already? It's been a good 45 seconds since you last ate. You must be weak from hunger.
Gorgious: Oh, hi, Candy. Hey, this chocolate Catsaban pickles cake you made is pretty good. Could use more sugar though. Hmmm, want some?
Candy: Eh, uh, no thanks. Gorgious, you should consider a more healthy diet. Your body is a temple, you know. You should eat light, drink lots of water and get plenty of exercise and most of all, remember, never, NEVER eat anything bigger than your head. I can see I'm wasting my breath, but mark my words, Gorgious. This sugar addiction of yours will be the death of you.
Alpha 6: Yo yo yo, whatcha talkin' about?
Hulk Hogan: What you gonna do, brother? What you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?
Christopher Morris: You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak.
Sean Hanlon: You know, under these clothes I have the body of a Calvin Klein model.
Girl: Yeah, Kate Moss.
Augustus Hill: OZ. The name on the street for the Oswald State Correctional Facility, Level 4.
Alan Partridge: You work in a petrol station Michael. It's not the Gulf War. Which ironically is like a large petrol station.
Martha Quinn: If someone asks you for directions, stop. Think about it for a moment, and if you don't know the best way for them to go, smile and tell them cheerfully that you can't help them and they should ask someone else. Giving someone directions that you're not sure about, even if you're just trying to help, is a bad idea. Don't be a hero. No directions are better than bad directions.
Daggett: Urethra! I found something.
Madeline Magellan: Enough with the pedanticism and let us eat.
Jonathan Creek: The word is pedantry.
80's Batman: This isn't a mudhole. It's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon.
Dennis: Ooh, a sex dream. How was I?
Maya: Absent.