Sometimes You Hear the Bullet - S1-E17
Henry Blake: All I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war, and rule number one is that young men die. And rule number two is that doctors can't change rule number one.
Frank Burns: You disgust me!
Hawkeye: You're right, Frank... I discussed you with everyone I know and we all find you disgusting.
Winchester: But, know this. You can cut me off from the civilized world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice-daily swill, but can not break the spirit of a Winchester. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness, and I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer.
Potter: I think he's getting the hang of this place.
Frank Burns: I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters.
Gen. Barker: What are you doing?
Radar: Doing, sir?
Barker: D-O-I-N-G. Doing. What are you doing?
Radar: Uh, listening to you spell doing sir.
Barker: Doesn't Col. Blake mind you drinking his whiskey and smoking his cigars?
Radar: Oh, very much so, sir.
Barker: Then why are you doing it?
Radar: Well, I don't mind, and I figured as long as one of us was being reasonable.
Radar: Sir, I was just crossing the compound when...
Frank Burns: I have no interest in the compound.
Klinger: He has no compound-interest.
Frank Burns: The men hate me, don't they?
Radar: Just your guts, sir.
Frank Burns: Courage is something you shouldn't be afraid to have.
Frank Burns: I wonder if I can say something useful?
Trapper: I often wonder that too, Frank.
Frank Burns: I'm taking this to a higher authority.
Trapper: Aw, Frank... You're not going to write your mother again.
PA System: Attention all personnel. Due to the shortage of oil and wood, tonight's movie will be burned at 1800.
Radar: Sir, there's someone waiting to see you.
Henry Blake: I was born with someone waiting to see me.
Henry Blake: Will you stop saying what I'm thinking?
Radar: One of us has to.
Frank Burns: I love it here.
Col. Potter: Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to figure out which one.
Frank Burns: Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy.
Margaret: We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many.
Frank Burns: I know, darling, and I love being both of us.
Dr. Winchester: My family has had problems with immigrants ever since we came to America.
Maj. Burns: You're losing half your apple sauce. Apples don't grow on trees, you know.
Frank: What kind of a jackass do you think I am?
Radar: Oh, you'd know that better than me, sir.
Hawkeye: I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got into this war, I had a very clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns.
Frank: Humpf!
Hawkeye: I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune...I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, Carry Me Back to Old Virginny. I'll even Hari Kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!
Answer: Even an Army field hospital would have SOME weapons for self-defense if the enemy attacked. What's meant is that it's not a combat outfit, and therefore wouldn't have enough weapons to actually attack anyone. (It's also mentioned a few times that the Officer of the Watch is supposed to carry a pistol at all times, but Hawkeye refuses to do it when he's in charge and Colonels Blake and Potter don't enforce the rule).
Captain Defenestrator