Cole: Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you?
Doug Heffernan: Hey, Deac, let me ask you, do you think Carrie's gained weight?
Deacon Palmer: Say what?
Doug Heffernan: Carrie, my wife, do you think she's gained a little weight, a couple pounds, maybe?
Deacon Palmer: I don't know. Every time I see her she's blocked by you.
Dr. John Becker: The world is full of idiots, and someone needs to point it out to them or they will never know.
Kitty Forman: Oh good God, you kids switch partners more than square dancers!
Mary Carroll: Look at Anthony's hair. He looks like a little choir boy.
Jim Royle: He looks like a little gay boy.
Grace: My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Go, Drumsticks.
Mai Valentine: Uh, guys? Joey named his chicken.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: It's a Nematory, Mai.
Mai Valentine: Whatever.
Jen: Do you remember when you were ten and your Mom wouldn't get you that candy bar that you really, really wanted? Didn't you ever just... Swipe it?
Dawson: No.
The Silver Surfer: To me, my board.
Andros: Let's Rocket.
Ezekiel Stone: What the hell do you know about love?
The Devil: Love, the most delicious emotion of all. Without love you and I would be out of a job.
Ezra: You're sneaky, I'll give you that, but you're? you're? help me out here, Buck.
Buck: You are crookeder than a yellow-bellied snake makin' its way through a prickly pear patch.
Ezra: Thank you.
Pete: Irene, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you handle never winning.
