Cledus Snow: You can't drive a fork lift.
Bandit: I can drive any forkin' thing around.
Paula McFadden: I thought you said you were decent.
Elliot Garfield: I am decent. I also happen to be naked.
Jerry Landers: How can you permit all the *suffering* that goes on in the world?
God: Ah, how can *I* permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers: Yeah!
God: I don't permit the suffering. You do! Free will. All the choices are yours.
Jerry Landers: Choices? What choices?
God: You can love each other, cherish and nurture each other or you can kill each other. Incidentally, "kill" is the word. It's not "waste." If I meant "waste" I would have written "thou shalt not waste." You're doing some very funny things with words, here. You're also turning the sky into mud. I look down, I can't believe the filth. Using the rivers for toilets, poisoning my fishes. You want a miracle? *You* make a fish from scratch. You can't. You think only God can make a tree? Try coming up with a mackerel. And when the last one is gone, that'll be that. Eighty-six on the fishes, goodbye sky, so long world, over and out.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Professor Little Old Man.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: "Lillolman." "Lillolman."
Newscaster: The popcorn you are eating has been pissed in. Film at eleven.
Tanner Boyle: Jews, Spics, Ni**ers and a Wop that throws airballs.
Ned Braden: Now, they give you one phone call. See they book you, and then the give you one phone call.
Jack Hanson: Call the pizza man.
Morris Wanchuk: Why don'tcha call a massage parlor.
Alvy's Classmate: I'm into leather.
Narrator: It is the middle of the dark ages, ages darker than anyone had ever expected.
Jane Harper: What kind of lunatic spends $1000 on lunch when he's out of a job and deeply in debt?
Dick Harper: The kind that knows you can't get a job if you look like a loser.
Jane Harper: If I was Diners Club, I'd your stomach bronzed and put it in the Hall of Fame.
Whitemonk: From now on Noggett there's only going to be two ways of doing things round here - my way and the wrong way.
Priory: Mind the axe, my lady.