Swiss Toni: Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Unzip the door, put up your pole, and slip into the old bag.
Nostalgia Critic: All right, look lady, I know you're a crazy, horny, obsessive, emotionally denying, masochistic nymphomaniac, but you can still do better than Tom Green!
Bobby Cobb: I'm bad at sex. There's a lot of thrashing and thumping, but nothing really gets done. I'm like a broken dishwasher.
Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us.
Drake Parker: No they won't... they are gonna kill you.
Hank: Calm down, Boomhauer! I can't understand a word you're saying.
Hyacinth: Take your shoes off before you enter the house, dear.
Lord Bowler: Uh oh. You hit the sheriff.
Brisco County Jr.: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.
Scarlet Witch: This is our home now. I want us to fit in.
Dick Dastardly: Wake up, Muttley! You're dreaming again! / You're not Robin Hood, and you're not Gunga Din! / You're not a brave knight, or a king that's been crowned / You're just plain old Muttley, the snickering hound.
Amanda Tanen: Can you believe he's asking Betty for dating advice? That's like asking Britney Spears for parenting tips.
Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?
Football, Feminism and You - S1-E6
Troy Barnes: You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player! It's in your blood!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your soul!
Troy Barnes: That's racist.
Jeff Winger: Your eyes?
Troy Barnes: That's gay?
Jeff Winger: That's homophobic.
Troy Barnes: That's black.
Jeff Winger: THAT'S racist!
Troy Barnes: Damn.
Sarah Walker: Come any closer, I shoot.
John Casey: You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.
Floyd: You can be the smartest man in the world - and for all I know, you are - but you will never understand women.
Victor Meldrew: I wonder what the point is of living? It doesn't seem to get you anywhere.
Fred Flintstone: Where's your get up and go?
Barney Rubble: It just got up and went.
Matt Albie: Look, I hate Los Angeles just like everybody else, but I have to work here because in any other part of the country I'm unemployable.
Adam: I'm sure everyone here is fascinated to hear more pop psychiatry from number fifty-four in his class at Columbia Med.
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I've got an idea.
Bill Maxwell: Good, put it to me in a letter, I'll try to get back to you by the end of the month.
