Lord Bowler: Uh oh. You hit the sheriff.
Brisco County Jr.: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.
Charlie Kelly: Ohhhh shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door there? The one marked "Pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there?
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I've made out my will, and I'd like you to be my executioner.
Coach Hayden Fox: I think you mean "executor."
Christmas Special 1974 (a.k.a. A Perfect Christmas) - S8-E7
Harold: You're so xenophobic.
Albert: No I'm not, I just don't like foreigners.
The Ant, an Introduction - S1-E6
Figgis: Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, Brahms, Panties...I'm sorry...Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach. Names that will live for ever. But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats. Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kürstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-eine-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mit-zweimache-luber-hundsfut -gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
Sarah Walker: Come any closer, I shoot.
John Casey: You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.
Politics of Human Sexuality - S1-E11
Shirley Bennett: Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a unicorn.
Michael Westen: You say tomato, I say pimp.
Christopher Titus: Cain slew Abel... oh, happy, happy Cain.
Henry Finnerty: Wow, that ride must be really scary. Those two guys are holding hands.
James "Jimmy" Finnerty: That's the line for cotton candy.
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I've got an idea.
Bill Maxwell: Good, put it to me in a letter, I'll try to get back to you by the end of the month.
Alan Decker: It's okay. I'm used to the callous attitude mortals have towards vampires. I'm used to wandering the earth - reviled, hunted, hated. That's why I became a lawyer.
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stole my boy.
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not.
Lucy Ricardo: How much do you want to bet?
Fred Mertz: Ten dollars.
Ethel Mertz: Well what's the matter with twenty dollars?
Ricky Ricardo: What's the matter with thirty dollars?
Lucy Ricardo: What's the matter with fifty dollars?
Fred Mertz: What was the matter with ten dollars?
Mork's Mixed Emotions - S1-E20
Orson: You opened the door to your emotions, didn't you?
Mork: Yes, Sir.
Orson: You realise you've broken the highest Orkan law. It is my duty to report you to the Council.
Mork: I understand. But I don't regret what I've done, sir. You see, for the first time in my life, I feel really alive, I feel fantastic! Oh, I wish you could try it! I wish you could feel some of the things I've been feeling!
Orson: Impossible. I could never do that. They'd throw me in prison.
Mork: Oh, I don't mean to be disrespectful, your immenseness, but until you can marvel at a rainbow after a storm or rejoice at seeing a baby walk for the first time, or hold someone and have them feel the same warmth inside as you feel close to them outside - until you can do these things, aren't you already in prison?
Hyacinth: If my Sheridan were here he'd be appalled.
Nostalgia Critic: All right, look lady, I know you're a crazy, horny, obsessive, emotionally denying, masochistic nymphomaniac, but you can still do better than Tom Green!
Bobby Cobb: I'm bad at sex. There's a lot of thrashing and thumping, but nothing really gets done. I'm like a broken dishwasher.
Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us.
Drake Parker: No they won't... they are gonna kill you.
Hank Kingsley: Can I ask you a question, can I? How would.
Larry: You're not going to go and come back, are you?
Hank Kingsley: How would you feel if I started dating Beverley?
Larry: I'd say it was your business, your life.
Hank Kingsley: Well I'm not into interracial dating, it never works - sex is good but in the mornign cultural differences start to raise their ugly heads.
Larry: I believe the cultural differences would occur with you and any woman Hank.