Alice Whipple: Harry, how long are we going to be here?
Harry Whipple: As long as it takes.
Alice Whipple: Well, I've got to get to the beauty parlor.
Harry Whipple: You're telling me.
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I've made out my will, and I'd like you to be my executioner.
Coach Hayden Fox: I think you mean "executor."
Christmas Special 1974 (a.k.a. A Perfect Christmas) - S8-E7
Harold: You're so xenophobic.
Albert: No I'm not, I just don't like foreigners.
Hank: Calm down, Boomhauer! I can't understand a word you're saying.
C.J.: What the eye doesn't see is goose for the gander.
Olive Snook: Yesterday, a farrier named Lucas Shoemaker was found dead. Trampled.
Emerson Cod: Why should I care about a dude that sells fur coats?
Olive Snook: Not a furrier, a farrier. Heir.
Emerson Cod: Fair-rier?
Olive Snook: It's a blacksmith. Puts shoes on horses.
Emerson Cod: Don't try to act like that's a word everybody knows.
Michael Westen: You say tomato, I say pimp.
Christopher Titus: Cain slew Abel... oh, happy, happy Cain.
Linda La Hughes: There aint no such thing as bisexuality, it's just greediness.
Hoss Delgado: Give it to us straight, Goodburger. Is our little Remus.
Mandy: Billy.
Hoss Delgado: ...Billy, on the bullet train to Smartsville, or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest?
Bobby Cobb: I'm bad at sex. There's a lot of thrashing and thumping, but nothing really gets done. I'm like a broken dishwasher.
Lucy Ricardo: How much do you want to bet?
Fred Mertz: Ten dollars.
Ethel Mertz: Well what's the matter with twenty dollars?
Ricky Ricardo: What's the matter with thirty dollars?
Lucy Ricardo: What's the matter with fifty dollars?
Fred Mertz: What was the matter with ten dollars?
Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?
Archie Bunker: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but you are one dumb Polack.
Alan Decker: It's okay. I'm used to the callous attitude mortals have towards vampires. I'm used to wandering the earth - reviled, hunted, hated. That's why I became a lawyer.
Dick Dastardly: Wake up, Muttley! You're dreaming again! / You're not Robin Hood, and you're not Gunga Din! / You're not a brave knight, or a king that's been crowned / You're just plain old Muttley, the snickering hound.
Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us.
Drake Parker: No they won't... they are gonna kill you.
Matt Albie: Look, I hate Los Angeles just like everybody else, but I have to work here because in any other part of the country I'm unemployable.
Grubble Gum/The Cinnamini Monster - S1-E3
Mung: We need more spice!
Truffles: Well, I'm glad one of us finally acknowledged it.