Elliot: Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?
Dr. Cox: No, Barbie... It makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively TO clowns.
David Brent: If you want the rainbow you got to take the rain too. You know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.
Meta Knight: Your spirit is willing but your pink flesh is weak.
Michael Kyle: Well, guess what Junior? You're from the mean streets of Stamford, Connecticut.
Henry Finnerty: Wow, that ride must be really scary. Those two guys are holding hands.
James "Jimmy" Finnerty: That's the line for cotton candy.
Denzel Crocker: Hey, Turner exploded! That's one less mouth to teach.
Hoss Delgado: Give it to us straight, Goodburger. Is our little Remus.
Mandy: Billy.
Hoss Delgado: ...Billy, on the bullet train to Smartsville, or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest?
Jo McGuire: Well, I can't speak for Lanny.
Sam McGuire: Somebody's got to.
Gracie: Trophies are stupid and all the others are nerds. It's like being with 50 other Uncle Andys.
Reba: I know what Kyra is doing.
Brock Hart: Like you did with Cheyenne?
Reba: Oh, one time! The one time our daughter gets pregnant and I never hear the end of it.
Helga: Don't shoot or I'll kiss him again.
Milo Oblong: She's not bluffing! She'll do it! Her lips are like shark skin.
Jonny: My daughter will want for nothing. She'll have dollies-a-plenty. And bears but no clowns, they scare me. And on a perfect summer's eve, when the sun dances like... Michael Flatley... after our dinner of spaghetti hoops, we shall run like Billy-ho himself, down to a sea so calm it would make Des Lynam look like a big, scary wolfman. She will be the most cherished little girl in the whole world. My little Ferrari.
Janet: Jonny, I'm not pregnant.
Jonny: Oh thank fuck for that.
Niels Buckingham: I've felt the horrors of alcoholism myself. I was on a journey, the destination was Cambodia. I was going with high speed down the rollercoaster of life. Booze, gambling, voluptuous women, cockfights, pills, midgets and junior strip. Opium and mud wrestling against blind people. At last, it all became too much and I was expelled from Copenhagen Airport.
Hoss Delgado: Give it to us straight, Goodburger. Is our little Remus.
Mandy: Billy.
Hoss Delgado: ...Billy, on the bullet train to Smartsville, or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest?
Brian Potter: Don't talk to me about upper body strength, Lesley! My forearms are massive.
Les: An' we all know why that is don't we? Too much "Trumpet Polishin'"