Best comedy TV quotes of all time

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Are You Being Served? picture

German Week - S3-E6

Miss Brahms: I think Mr. Rumbold should dress up as something.
Mrs. Slocombe: Yes. Wasn't Frankenstein a German?
Miss Brahms: That's right. With his nuts in his neck. [Makes twisting motions with her fingers near her neck.] Like that.
Mr. Rumbold: I wouldn't be able to take part, of course, in case I was summoned to a board meeting. But I see no reason why Captain Peacock shouldn't participate.
Captain Peacock: I can think of lots of reason why I shouldn't participate. Somebody has to have authority over the floor and these clothes that I wear symbolize that authority.
Mr Lucas: Why don't you dress up as Hitler?

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Rick and Morty picture

Something Ricked This Way Comes - S1-E9

Rick: Cute, your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick, I, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know.
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I, I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.

Bishop73

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Animaniacs picture

Man: Do you know who I am?
Yakko: Why? Did you forget?

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Family Matters picture

Carl: Go home! Go home! Go home!
Steve: I don't have to take this. I'm going home.

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The Tick picture

Interviewer: Well, can you... destroy the Earth?
Tick: Egad. I hope not. That's where I keep all my stuff.

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The Story of Tracy Beaker picture

Elaine "The Pain" Boyack: I'm very good with children, it's just, just that Tracy Beaker's not very good at being a child.

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Sanford and Son picture

Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.

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The Royle Family picture

Mary Carroll: Look at Anthony's hair. He looks like a little choir boy.
Jim Royle: He looks like a little gay boy.

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Good Times picture

James: We are poor, and poor is one of three things people don't want to be. Right next to sick, and dead.

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Becker picture

Linda: What do you have against the New York City Marathon?
Dr. John Becker: The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.

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The Real Ghostbusters picture

Egon Spengler: Notice the vacant stare, the completely mindless look. That could only mean one thing.
Winston Zeddemore (I): She's from California?
Egon Spengler: No. She's been hypnotized.

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The A-Team picture

Murdock: I wish I could just jump in the water and live like a fish.
B.A. Baracus: Shut up fool, you ain't no fish.

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The Nanny picture

Niles: You know, the next time you give your clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?

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Modern Family picture

Jay Pritchett: God knows I couldn't love them more, but even the Kennedy's didn't get together this often.

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Green Acres picture

TV Kiddie Show Host: Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize.
Oliver Douglas: No, you don't understand, Arnold is a real PIG.
TV Kiddie Show Host: I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself.

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