Best comedy TV quotes of 2009

Showmance - S1-E2

Rachel: I tried, but I don't have a gag reflex.
Emma: When you're older, that will turn out to be a gift.

Mole Hunt - S1-E1

Krenshaw: Jesus, Archer.
Archer: What?
Krenshaw: You think this is a game?
Archer: No, I think Jenga's a game.
Krenshaw: What if I had been real KGB?
Archer: I'd assume you'd be trying to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy's cock.

Jay Pritchett: God knows I couldn't love them more, but even the Kennedy's didn't get together this often.

Bobby Cobb: I'm bad at sex. There's a lot of thrashing and thumping, but nothing really gets done. I'm like a broken dishwasher.

Jon Sandys ★

Comparative Religion - S1-E12

Jeff Winger: To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone. But I would also never stand in line for it.

A General Thanksgiving Episode - S4-E3

Cleveland Brown: This isn't funny like Airplane. It's a disaster like Airplane II.

Sam Reich: Is something wrong?
Ricky Van Veen: Yes, something's wrong! Chuck Paulsen has a cooler office than I do! This is bullshit!

Rafi: You spend all your time reading books and looking at numbers and letters like they mean something.
Ruxin: They do. Do you know how to read?
Rafi: I get by, all right?
Ruxin: What do you know?
Rafi: You know, like... red means stop.
Ruxin: Great.
Rafi: Green means go.
Ruxin: Good.
Rafi: Yellow's the other one.

Nathan Young: Come on Barry, you're good at this sort of stuff. Think of something.
Simon Bellamy: Who's Barry?
Nathan Young: ...You are.
Kelly Bailey: His name is Simon.
Nathan Young: Is it? I thought it was Barry. Sorry mate.

Ted Crisp: Don't blame me for how I look, God made me this way, and then he told me where to shop for suits.