Greg: You wanna have children?
Dharma: Yeah, unless you wanna have 'em.
Escargoon: Now you've broken the King's heart! How? I don't know, he doesn't have one.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - S1-E2
Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
Fiona Gallagher: Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night?
The Fonz: You're dreaming about a girl you've never met?
Richie Cunningham: Come on, Fonz, haven't you ever dreamed?
The Fonz: Hey I'm not the dreamer! I'm the dreamee.
Kimmy Gibbler: My moves are all that and a bag of chips, so talk to the hand loser! Oh snap, you go girl! I think I just did.
The Sofa-Bed - S1-E1
Jackie: And Martin! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop eating out of the bin!
Johnny: Classic.
Adam: Classic.
[Watching a dreadful performance by James Dean.]
Josh: I gotta get some air.
Abraham Lincoln: I don't blame you. This is the worst theater experience I've ever had.
Georgia Thomas: Well, by all means let's hear your opinion, Richard.
Richard Fish: Simple. Men and women. Friction.
Georgia Thomas: That's it? Friction?
Richard Fish: Friction, friction, friction, orgasm. Fishism.
Stephen Fry: When I was seventeen I had already tried fourteen different jobs, married twice, fathered many many many many children, eaten a perfectly enormous quantity of food over a long time period, been weaned off six types of class A dangerous drug, given up smoking, taken it up again, given it up again, taken it up again, given taking it up and taken giving it up again and again and again and again. By the time I was twenty, alcohol had never passed my lips, yet I was a reckless and predatory alcoholic: my life was in pieces, my marriages were shattered, my children lay in ruins, I was paying alimony along the sinuses, behind the dark interior passages of the skull and through the nose. But at thirty, at thirty came the chance to redeem a bin-liner of broken promises. If I didn't take that chance what would I be? What would I become? Just another friendless acid spot on the back buttock of a weeping society. So I took it, took the chance, picked up the ball and ran, went for it, threw caution to the teeth of the gale, never looked back, just keep running, I did it. Forget the past, there's nothing there, not even memories, just a road you never travelled unwinding backwards to a place you never came from, where fruit grows on trees you never climbed, in an orchard where you lost your virginity to a boy called Timothy who died of Horlicks poisoning before you were born. No answers there...
Hugh Laurie: tephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
Stephen Fry: Yes?
Hugh Laurie: Go and have a lie down.
Stephen Fry: OK. [walks off.].
Michael: You humans take something wonderful and ruin it just a little bit so you can have more.
Earthanasia AKA The End of the World Show - S7-E6
Bill: Christmases come, Christmases go. They're all the ruddy same - no one ever remembers them.
Narrator: Centuries ago in Japan, Nighlok monsters invaded our world, but samurai warriors defeated them with power symbols, passed down from parent to child. Today the evil Nighlok have risen once again and plan to flood the earth. Luckily, a new generation of heroes stand in their way. They are the Power Rangers Samurai.
Darrin Stephens: Sam, don't expect your mother to be gracious. She doesn't do imitations.
Michael Kyle: Well, guess what Junior? You're from the mean streets of Stamford, Connecticut.
Ed Norton: Well, if I was asked to describe your build, I'd say you have, uh, very well developed muscles, uh, a good bone structure, very good bone structure, fine frame... and the whole thing is covered with fat.
Alice: I'm all ears. Well I'm not all ears... I'm face and tummy and legs and lots of other bits, including some rather private bits I only let a doctor see. Only he wasn't a doctor, and he got arrested soon after.
Rochelle Rock: I'm gonna slap the black off you.