Betty: Don't get so depressed Frank, you've only been out of work two days. Mr Rogers hasn't worked for six months.
Frank: Mr Rogers is 86 years old!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is there anyone here who has a genuine medical problem?
Swiss Toni: Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Unzip the door, put up your pole, and slip into the old bag.
The Prince: Hello there, my bothers. I almost didn't see you. I am...the Prince of Persuasia! There are three steps to persuading women. Step number one: Trap your princess. Physically corner her in a room and eventually, your life. Step two: Insult your princess. Insult her face, her body, her brain, her car. The lower her self-esteem, the higher your chances, bro. It's been biologically proven, by me. Step three: Brag. Not lying, but close. Make up a story about how you single-handedly murdered a wild animal. Your story is going to release a hormone, deep inside her body, called "Insatia." It makes women ovulate. For sex!
Hyacinth: Listen, Daisy. Tell Onslow to put a shirt on while I'm on the telephone. I can always sense him there, expanding.
Sonic the Hedgehog: I don't see why we have to learn all this etiquette baloney.
Christopher 'Chris' Thorndyke: My mom says it's important to learn good manners so we can eat properly.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Well, I never learned anything about manners, and I been eating my whole life.
Adam: I'm sure everyone here is fascinated to hear more pop psychiatry from number fifty-four in his class at Columbia Med.
Lord Bowler: Uh oh. You hit the sheriff.
Brisco County Jr.: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.
Jeff Bingham: Don't play dumb with me. It's a game you can't win.
Nostalgia Critic: A Bat... Credit Card?.. They gave him a Bat... Credit Card? They had the balls... to give one of the greatest superheroes of all time... A bat... credit card? nooo! nooo! Does not compute! Does not compute. (00:08:25)
Squiggy: I woulda worn my tuxedo but my polo pony ate it.
Sarah Walker: Come any closer, I shoot.
John Casey: You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.
Karen: Do you know what this means? We're in the kill zone of a black caiman.
Florence: A black gay man?
Karen: Do you, do you really think that's what I just said?
Florence: I don't know. It sounded like you said...
Karen: You think this is a kill zone of a black gay man?
Florence: Well, anything sounds stupid when you say it like that.
Frazer: Sorry about the candles. The blinds are a bit thin for the gleam of the gas light.
Godfrey: Oh, I like candles. They're more romantic.
Jed Clampett: Boy, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to clean up all this mess.
Jethro: Aw come on, Uncle Jed. I'm gonna clean up. I'm gonna set this world on fire.
Jed Clampett: You're gonna clean up all right. Everything. Or you're gonna end up with the seat of your britches on fire.
No, This Is Not Based Entirely on Julie's Life - S2-E1
[Lisa walks into Dave's office].
Lisa: Have you ever taken naked pictures of yourself?
Dave: Mom, I am going to have to call you back.
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I've got an idea.
Bill Maxwell: Good, put it to me in a letter, I'll try to get back to you by the end of the month.
How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall? - S4-E8
Lenny: What are you wearing?
Midge: I'm wearing my show corset.
Lenny: You have a show corset?
Midge: Yes.
Lenny: How is this different from, say, your dentist corset?
Midge: It's much more likely to suffocate me. It's also prettier.
Lenny: Yep. It's always the pretty ones who try to kill you.