Dori: Guns don't kill people.
Sledge Hammer: Yeah, bullets do.
Wednesday: Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn't believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies. Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.
Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you know Jeff Gordon's gonna die.
Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Got B.O.? Get DEO.
Nathan Stark: Good job, Carter... Wow, that didn't even leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Marshall Jack Carter: Wait for it.
Nathan Stark: ...Oh, there it is.
Nick Miller: You're a freaking gold digger, Jess.
Jess: Do you think that if I were a gold digger, I'd be interested in you? I would be the worst gold digger in the world.
Hank Moody: You're so beautiful you're almost ugly.
Grace: My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.
Blair Warner: I don't go to wing-dings, I go to cotillions.
Jo Polniaczek: Well if that is a dance at the Hillcrest Country Club, then your cotillion and my wing-ding are the same thing.
Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!
Fiona Gallagher: Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night?
A Day in the Life of Retsuko - S1-E1
Fenneko: Your chill game is something to behold.
Captain: Why would he use his son's gun? He knew that we would trace it back to that house. It doesn't make sense.
Burl Loomis: A lot of things don't make sense. Why are nickels bigger than dimes?
Captain: That's a good point.
Loomis: Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?
Captain: Another excellent question.
Loomis: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Captain: I don't know. I couldn't say.
Loomis: Why did the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?
Captain: When are you retiring?
Loomis: Four hundred and seventy four days.
Captain: Does that include today?
Loomis: Yes it does.
Luna: Lincoln why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?
Hank Kingsley: Can I ask you a question, can I? How would.
Larry: You're not going to go and come back, are you?
Hank Kingsley: How would you feel if I started dating Beverley?
Larry: I'd say it was your business, your life.
Hank Kingsley: Well I'm not into interracial dating, it never works - sex is good but in the mornign cultural differences start to raise their ugly heads.
Larry: I believe the cultural differences would occur with you and any woman Hank.
Wednesday Addams: I don't believe in heaven or hell. But I do believe in revenge. I usually serve it warm with a side of pain.