Christopher Titus: Cain slew Abel... oh, happy, happy Cain.
Jeff: I love the word naked, it's brilliant isn't it, 'naked'. When I was a kid I used to write the word naked on a bit of paper hundreds of times and rub my face in it.
Louis Stevens: I am making a quality cucumber shake here.
Ren Stevens: Not on my time.
Steven Harper: Whenever you don't know what to do, choose the hardest thing, because nine times out of ten, that's the right thing to do.
Darien Fawkes: By the way, I want my tombstone to say, "Too late, he's already dead." You know, just in case more people show up wanting to screw my life over.
Opening theme song: Yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now, You're not the boss of me now, You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big. You're not the boss of me now, You're not the boss of me now, You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big. Life is unfair.
Jackie: Wait! Bayblonian urn.
Ratso: What's a Babylonian urn?
Finn: Probably more than we do!
Larry David: The whole cashew-raisin balance is askew.
Master Shake: Animal sex? Don't have time for that, man.
Nick: How do you expect me to make 5 star food with 4 star fungi?
Jimmy Hughes: How hot is that?
Bernard: I can feel pieces of my brain falling away like a wet cake.