Best comedy TV quotes of 2003

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Reno 911! picture

Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you know Jeff Gordon's gonna die.

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Arrested Development picture

Pilot - S1-E1

Michael: They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out. [Silence.] Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen. [Gasps.] Interesting. I would have expected that after "they're keeping Dad in jail."

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Lilo & Stitch: The Series picture

Lilo: Stitch! Are you okay?
Stitch: I'm okay. I'm fluffy.

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The O.C. picture

Caleb Nichol: I've come to ask a favor.
Sandy: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Caleb Nichol: You didn't hear me?
Sandy: No, I heard you, I... I just want to make you say it again.

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Chappelle's Show picture

Tiger Woods: I always wanted to say this... fa-shizzle.

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My Life as a Teenage Robot picture

Male Receptionist: Oh, boy. Where to begin... where to begin? First of all, fatty, I'm not bowing down to anyone. Second of all, unless you're here for a supermodel audition you're not seeing anyone's master. Third of all, shoo.

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Dead Like Me picture

George: Don't you want to at one with nature and your fellow workers? Nope, can't. Bed-wetter.

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Little Britain picture

Carol Beer: Computer says no.

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Viva La Bam picture

Bam's Mom: Bam! Your friends just buried my car in snow.
Bam Margera: They're not my friends.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles picture

Leonardo: Um, ladies and gentlemen. We have an emergency situation. Everyone needs to get to the escape pods now!
[No response.]
Raphael: How do you say 'bomb' in Futurese?
[General panic.].

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Real Time with Bill Maher picture

Bill Maher: New rule: Cornbread isn't bread. It's cake.

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Miss Match picture

Kate Fox: Sometimes confronting the past is the only way to move on.

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The Venture Bros. picture

Brock Samson: Don't you have nothing else to do but harp on Dr. Venture? Why haven't you tried the World Domination thing, you afraid of the big leagues?
The Monarch: Please. How stupid do I look to you? World Domination. I'll leave that to the religious nuts or the Republicans, thank you.

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