Mike: Where's Vyvyan?
Rik: Well, he said he was going inside to water his plant. Strange that such a ruthless and sadistic maniac as Vyvyan should care for a begonia. Must have had it two years now.
Mike: And it was dead when he got it.
Rik: Yes... Still, give him his credit - he's watered it every day!
Mike: Only because he can't be bothered to go upstairs to the lavatory.
Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
Kessler: Who are you?
Remington Steele: Just a happy go lucky tourist out to see a bit of the world.
Neff: Is that why you've got five passports, from five different countries, in five different names?
Remington Steele: Kept trying for a good picture.
Alex P. Keaton: Mallory, someone stupid called... sometime today... about something trivial.
Mallory Keaton: Alex you know that could be any one of my friends.
Larry: Now behave yourself Darryl. There are only three ways to get a baby. By a woman, by adopting, or by a star in the east.
Officer Crabtree: I was pissing by the door when I heard a shat.