Richard Fish: Everybody's alone. It's just easier to take in a relationship.
Greg: You wanna have children?
Dharma: Yeah, unless you wanna have 'em.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - S1-E2
Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
Floyd: You can be the smartest man in the world - and for all I know, you are - but you will never understand women.
Hank: Calm down, Boomhauer! I can't understand a word you're saying.
Ted Maul: Kids burst shops by filling them with rice, and pouring in water: then standing back and laughing, while the bricks are ripped apart by the swelling food.
Original Xev Bellringer: Oh pleeeeaasse, put me out of my misery! I volunteer for the protein bank! I don't want to live this terrible life any more. (00:29:50)
Martha Quinn: If someone asks you for directions, stop. Think about it for a moment, and if you don't know the best way for them to go, smile and tell them cheerfully that you can't help them and they should ask someone else. Giving someone directions that you're not sure about, even if you're just trying to help, is a bad idea. Don't be a hero. No directions are better than bad directions.
Daggett: Urethra! I found something.
Alan Partridge: You work in a petrol station Michael. It's not the Gulf War. Which ironically is like a large petrol station.
K: Real good there Sparky.
J: Sparky? What happened to Slick?
K: You're going to have to work your way back up to Slick.
Candy: Lunch time already? It's been a good 45 seconds since you last ate. You must be weak from hunger.
Gorgious: Oh, hi, Candy. Hey, this chocolate Catsaban pickles cake you made is pretty good. Could use more sugar though. Hmmm, want some?
Candy: Eh, uh, no thanks. Gorgious, you should consider a more healthy diet. Your body is a temple, you know. You should eat light, drink lots of water and get plenty of exercise and most of all, remember, never, NEVER eat anything bigger than your head. I can see I'm wasting my breath, but mark my words, Gorgious. This sugar addiction of yours will be the death of you.
Sean Hanlon: You know, under these clothes I have the body of a Calvin Klein model.
Girl: Yeah, Kate Moss.
Wally: Hello, and welcome to Wallyphone. If you are Maya Gallo and have an excuse for blowing me off, press one now.