Frank: Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son.
Professor Wagstaff: My boy, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm ashamed to be your father. You're a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible.
Terrible Tommy: "Come on runt."
Rosa Carlo: "Stop calling me that."
Flo: I want to be near you. I want you to hold me. Oh! Hold me closer! Closer! Closer.
Dr. Hackenbush: If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you.
Joe Kingman: Bostun Webels, experience the heat. Buston Webels, catch the magik. Buston Webels, catch... who wites this?
Bully Kid Tubby: Hey, look. A baseball.
Screwie: Hey, look. The missing link.
Mickey Ward: I'm the one who's fighting. Not you, not you, and not you.
Jack Cunningham: You want to know why they're leaving you open? It's because they don't think you can hit the ocean from the beach.
Dr. Bartram: You people are very... determined, aren't you?
David Green: Sometimes we have to be, sir.
Richard Williams: Venus and Serena gon' shake up this world.
Greg: That's right, I quit too.
Tina Hammersmith: Greg you'll lose your cheerleading scholarship.
Greg: That's right, I'm stayin here! But under a cloud of shame.
Vince: Hey coach. Name is Vince. I'm just a bartender from Philly whose only dream is to play ball. It's all I got left after I lost my job teaching, and my wife left me. Like my alcoholic father used to say before he passed on, "A man can only take so much failure!" I'll give you everything I got. What do you say coach?
Lambeau "Coach" Fields: I say you can add "Did not make the football team" to your list of woes.
Bugs Bunny: Watch me paste this pathetic palooka with a powerful paralyzing perfect pachydermus percussion pitch.
Popov: We're Russians! We demand you take us to the Russian imbecile.
Natalya: It's "Embassy," imbecile.
Sidney Deane: Can anybody step in for this guy? Anybody? For Mr. Motherfucking March of Dimes?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Was that your mistake, Mr. Rodman? I think so.
Dennis Rodman: Your team don't know how to play. Bad shots... bad coach.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Bad hair.
Dennis Rodman: At least I look good.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: For the moment. Get your earrings, baby. You look naked.
Walter Gulick: Don't push me, Willy. I'm a grease monkey that won't slide so easily!
Newcastle fan #1: Hows it going?
Newcastle fan #2: We've made all the early running.
Newcastle fan #1: How long's it been on?
Newcastle fan #2: A minute.
John du Pont: I'm getting Dave. And I don't care how much it costs.
Carol Williams: Like Steve says: Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing.
Vince Boudreau: If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.