Mike: Alright, Smallsy? Eh, you've got the best part of the dressing room, there - that's Charlton's lucky peg, that is.
Smallsy: Hey, hear that lads? I've got Bobby Charlton's lucky peg.
Mike: No - Jackie's.
Nacho: I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.
Commentator 1: I think he might be ambidextrous
Commentator 2: I don't know about that Bob, but he can definitely play with both feet.
Kevin Rooney: Vinny, we started this in a basement. In a fucking basement! Now, go out there and show me how you do things. Show me how you live. Show me how you fight.
Vinny Pazienza: Want me to show you how I fight?
Kevin Rooney: Yeah. Show me who the fuck you are.
Doc: Do you have nicoise?
Diner Cook: I told you. We have ranch, Italian, and chunky bleu cheese, which is 50 cents extra.
Doc: Do you have any balsamic vinegar?
Diner Cook: I got ranch, Italian, chunky bleu cheese.
Doc: How about a gun so I can shoot myself in the head?
Frankie Stevens: You know, you say that one more time I will punch you in the nose.
Mac Thompkins: Been a while since I fought a woman.
Eddie Lowery: Hey Francis, I had a dream last night that you shot a 72.
Francis Ouimet: Yeah, it won't be easy in a northeaster.
Eddie Lowery: Come on. You played the course like a one-legged dog how many times.
Francis Ouimet: You're right. Good day for 72.
Eddie Lowery: Okey-dokey, time to smokey.
Lorne Daniels: Nobody wants you, not even the Clippers.
Feng: Ladies and Gentlemen. Athletes. I bid you Toodles.
Australian POW: This is the end, mates. No one knows you're here... It's best if you just resign to your fate.
Carter Rutherford: I thought you liked me.
Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly: Look, she's too old for you.
Lexie Littleton: What? Well, you're too old for me.
Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly: Well, you got me on that one.
Monty Stratton: Honey, do you know there's a tailor in Chicago that gives a suit of clothes away to any ballplayer that hits the scoreboard in center field? As of yesterday the New York Yankees are the best dressed team in baseball.
Referee #1: Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.
Coach: This is a joke, I mean dogs don't play basketball!
Chaney: What's the matter, afraid your team might get beat by a dog?
Coaches: Put him in.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Gaga: I guarantee it, I absolutely guarantee it. You just cost me 5 million dollars you ancient fuck. I'm going to eat your brains with a spoon, do you hear me? I'm going to eat your fucking brains with a spoon.
Guru Tugginmypudha: Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Honey, will you put the kids to bed?
Madman's wife: Why can't we hire a maid?
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Why did I ever get married?
Reggie: I see buckets of dead relatives! Extra crispy! Extra crispy.
Mitchell Kane: Are you happy with your deal with Sultan?
Johnny Winsor: Happy? I'd sooner be turked by a syphilitic bear.
Mitchell Kane: T-turked? Turked? What is turked?
Johnny Winsor: Rectally relieved.
Brink: When you woke up this morning, did you say to yourself 'Today, I'm gonna talk.' or 'Today, I'm gonna skate!'?