Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.
Happy Gilmore: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.
Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."
Mrs. Madigan: Every Monday, you will have a practice quiz. Every Wednesday, you will have a real quiz. Every Friday, you will have an exam. And any time I feel like it, you will have a surprise quiz or exam.
Mitchell Kane: Are you happy with your deal with Sultan?
Johnny Winsor: Happy? I'd sooner be turked by a syphilitic bear.
Mitchell Kane: T-turked? Turked? What is turked?
Johnny Winsor: Rectally relieved.
Dorothy: On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Hey, Patton, pass the ball! What are you, the black hole of basketball? Come on.
Joe Sparks: (to Stacy) You going to let her call you a black ho?
Darren Taylor: Man, a hole.
Stacy Patton: What's a black hole?
Polynice, Olden: A black hole is a theoretical object in space. It is so dense that matter collapses... and light itself cannot escape. (shoots his free throw).
Terry Hastings: I knew that.
Jimmy Flaherty: Prison won't be so bad. I can became a born-again Christian. And that'll be good. Because nobody wants a born-again Christian as their bitch.