Ivan "Fire Urchin": Stepped on me, stepped on me? Are you kidding? This guy was dancing on me! I mean just look at this, broken, broken, gone, gone, broken, broken, broken.
Feng: Ladies and Gentlemen. Athletes. I bid you Toodles.
Rudi van der Merwe: First you listen to your heart, then you listen to your head, and then your wife will tell you what to do.
L. C. Cheever: You got it backwards kid. You play cards the way you should lead your life. And you lead your life the way you should play cards.
Erik Kernan Jr.: The Jermaine story I covered. It was a good fight.
Ralph Metz: Yeah, I buried it.
Erik Kernan Jr.: But why?
Ralph Metz: Something's gotta be buried.
Erik Kernan Jr.: That's what high school wrestling's for, right?
Karen Kelly: How are things going there?
Peyton Kelly: Terrific, the food's not all that great, but my room is huge.
Billy Mitchell: No matter what I say, it draws controversy. It's sort of like the abortion issue.
Dennis: I can lose weight, but you'll always be an asshole!
John Farley: You have a father?
Mr. Woodcock: Of course I have a father, Farley, I'm not Jesus.
Vince: Hey coach. Name is Vince. I'm just a bartender from Philly whose only dream is to play ball. It's all I got left after I lost my job teaching, and my wife left me. Like my alcoholic father used to say before he passed on, "A man can only take so much failure!" I'll give you everything I got. What do you say coach?
Lambeau "Coach" Fields: I say you can add "Did not make the football team" to your list of woes.