Connor Rooney: I can look after myself.
Frank Nitti: No, you can't! This is the point. You're a big baby who doesn't know his thumb from his dick.
Voice: There's someone in here.
Christina: Sorry.
Voice: It might be a while.
Christina: How long?
Voice: Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick.
Courtney: Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?
Fernand: You pleased me some of the time.
Mercedes: You never pleased me.
The Caller: If you have to ask, you're not ready to know yet.
Betty: Go get some snacks. Perhaps a carbonated soda.
Ling: I hope they have Icees.
The Chosen One: I've chosen the large tub.
Wimp Lo: My nipples look like milk duds.
Master Tang: I've got some yellow liquid for your popcorn. And it's non-dairy.
Ellie Burr: A good cop can't sleep because he's missing a piece of the puzzle. And a bad cop can't sleep because his conscience won't let him.
Mr. Jones: I look better than you.
Uncle Elroy: You don't.
Mr. Jones: I cook better than you.
Uncle Elroy: You can't.
Mr. Jones: My dick is bigger than yours.
Uncle Elroy: It was cold that night.
Sister Madeline: If we can create this life with what imagination, why not the next?
Robin Williams: The poor Canadian snowboarder, in the 1998 Olympics, they took away his medal because he tested positive for marijuana, which is kinda redundant number one, number two, they said that marijuana was a "performance-enhancing drug." Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not fucking empowered. When you're stoned, you're lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it's a performance-enhancing drug is if there's a big fucking Hershey bar at the end of the run. Then you'll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, "I'm there!"
Lady Bracknell: Well, I must say, Algy, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or die. This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd.
Bill: He was the only man I ever killed worth remembering.
Jamie: Are you trying to seduce me?
Landon: Why? Are you seducible?
Will: Once you open your door to one person anyone can come in.
Iris Hineman: If the unintended consequences of a series of genetic mistakes and science gone haywire can be called 'invention', then yes, I invented Precrime. (00:57:50)
James Bond: Vodka martini, plenty of ice... If you can spare it.
Larry Hertzel: All I was doing was welcoming somebody into the family.
Roberta Hertzel: Larry, we've been welcomed by you, thank you so much, now would you please just drink your fucking milk and shut the fuck up.
Lt. Colonel Hal Moore: To follow your instincts and to inspire your men, by your example, you have to be with 'em. Where the metal meets the meat.
Johnny Doyle: How about I tell you where you got your shoes. If I win, you give me a job. If I lose you can have my ring.
Merv: Deal. But you're never going to get that job, Johnny, and here's why. I bought these shoes on a cruise in international waters, so no matter what you say, you're wrong.
Johnny Doyle: But Merv, I didn't say I would tell you where you'd bought 'em, I said I'd tell you where you got 'em, and right now you got 'em on your feet.