Ryan Dunn: I'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.
April: Uh, Jessica has a... problem.
Ling Ling: She's only going to make us wait an hour this time.
Lulu: What about the class trip to Six Flags. She took so long in the bathroom we missed the bus.
Ling Ling: Our parents had to drive three hours to pick us up.
Jessica (Clive): I had my period, OK.
Connor Rooney: I can look after myself.
Frank Nitti: No, you can't! This is the point. You're a big baby who doesn't know his thumb from his dick.
Voice: There's someone in here.
Christina: Sorry.
Voice: It might be a while.
Christina: How long?
Voice: Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick.
Courtney: Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?
Fernand: You pleased me some of the time.
Mercedes: You never pleased me.
Mr. Jones: I look better than you.
Uncle Elroy: You don't.
Mr. Jones: I cook better than you.
Uncle Elroy: You can't.
Mr. Jones: My dick is bigger than yours.
Uncle Elroy: It was cold that night.
Sister Madeline: If we can create this life with what imagination, why not the next?
Jimmy Smith Jr: You ever wondered at what point you gotta just say "f**k it, man." You ever wondered at what point you gotta stop livin' up here, and start livin' down here?
Lionel: To serve people takes dignity and intelligence. But remember, they are only people with money. And although we serve them, we are not their servants. What we do, Miss Ventura, does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling.
Elvis: Uh, Mr. President... You're on the floor.
JFK: No shit?
Earl: Junior, you are so dumb.
Junior: I'm not dumb. YOU'RE dumb.
Spirit: There was no end to the strange ways on the two-leggeds.
Astrid: Looks don't interest me.
Paul: That's easy for you to say, you've never been ugly.
Meg: Open the door so I can give her the shot.
Burnham: If we open the door you'll shoot us.
Meg: So give her the shot yourself.
Dodge: You want to build a raft?
Greer: I wanna build a raft.
Yelena: Xander? Remember what I told you before, when you kissed me?
Xander Cage: Never again?
Yelena: I lied.
Robin Williams: The poor Canadian snowboarder, in the 1998 Olympics, they took away his medal because he tested positive for marijuana, which is kinda redundant number one, number two, they said that marijuana was a "performance-enhancing drug." Marijuana enhances many things, colors, flavors, sensations, but you are certainly not fucking empowered. When you're stoned, you're lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it's a performance-enhancing drug is if there's a big fucking Hershey bar at the end of the run. Then you'll be like a Swiss ski jumper going, "I'm there!"
Gary Giggles: Remember, an agent is only as good as his gadgets.
Jason Bourne: How could I forget about you? You're the only person I know.