Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7
House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!
Robbie Rotten: Have you ever heard the sound of a rubber ball breaking a window?
Trixie: Nuh uh.
Robbie Rotten: Would you like to?
Alan Shore: Ah, Denny, I've hardly seen you this episode.
House of the Rising Sun - S1-E6
[While fleeing from an angry swarm, Kate takes her shirt off as insects are trapped in it. Charlie later finds her and hands her the shirt she dropped with a questioning look.]
Kate: It was full of bees.
Charlie: [Looking at her chest.] I'd say more like C's.
Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.
Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Oh, thank you, helpful trail of clothes. I love you.
Carlos: You know who you are, Gaby? You're the kind of person who would have turned away Mary and Joseph from the inn.
Gabrielle: Well, they should have called ahead.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Albert, what the hell were you doing in a church today?
Albert Stroller: Gil Stewart died this afternoon. I was there at the end.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Oh God, I'm so sorry Albert. You two were like brothers.
Albert Stroller: We worked Vegas together. That man was made for bright lights. Poor bastard - died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Well, someone should sue them.
Albert Stroller: Aye, he was pretending to be the dentist.
Mugen: When you point a sword at someone either you kill them or they kill you, there ain't no inbetween. So quit talkin' like a fuckin' pussy. Anyone who can't handle that should just shut THE fuck UP and GET over IT.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is there anyone here who has a genuine medical problem?
Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us.
Drake Parker: No they won't... they are gonna kill you.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Using power... using power... using power.
Tag Team Trial: Part 1 - S1-E10
Syrus Truesdale: First, I'm going to summon Gyroid in attack mode.
Para: You must be joking. I am surprised that thing even has an attack mode.
Wallace: My mom thinks I'm staying at Norman's house.
Veronica: Who's Norman?
Wallace: Norman is my imaginary, straight-A, Eagle Scout, mama's boy friend.
Veronica: He sounds boring for an imaginary friend.
Wallace: Mom seems to like him.
Joey and the Dream Girl (2) - S1-E9
Michael: You're a hot girl. Hot girls get stuff for free.
Joey: Yeah, it's true. It's in the Constitution.
Alex: Look, I know what I am. I'm not a hot girl. I'm cute.
Michael: You're a hot girl that doesn't know she's hot. Joey was telling me about those.
Alex: No, I know hot girls. My sister is one of them.
Michael: "The even hotter sister" – one of four ways a girl doesn't realise she’s hot. Along with "went to a girls' school", "used to be fat", and "is blind."
Joey: You have learned well, young Michael.
Super Nanny - S2-E7
Super Nanny: What's going on here?
Toot: Oh, nothing. Captain Shero was just trying to take my barrette.
Captain Hero: It's pronounced Hero. The S is silent, you hithead.
Howard Moon: I want to be the greatest Jazz player in Yorkshire.
The Spirit of Jazz: Yorkshire? What is Yorkshire?
Howard Moon: Yorkshire is a place. Yorkshire is a state of mind.
The Penguin: Please, now that all pretenses are off, call me Penguin - a flightless bird, but one with style.
Paul: You know, sometimes a guys just gotta set the world on fire, hey Rolfy. I wonder if there's a nice bottle of rubbing alcohol around here, and a match.