Jane Aubrey: You ever gotten your heart broken?
Billy Chapel: Yeah. When we lost the pennant in '87.
Capt. James West: Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a big redneck dance. Got it.
Sly: They've got Whit.
Dan: Who's got Whit? Wait, you're Whit.
Henry: The cops are around, we gotta lay low for a while... wow, I never thought I'd say that.
Emmet Ray: I didn't ask your opinion. I'm just telling ya how it's gonna go.
Hawk: Only a car full of Stellas and Guidos would ride your ass on a 2-lane highway and honk.
Cole Sear: I see dead people.
Leo Morton: Ed, can you take that Delta?
Ed Clabes: No, I can't take the Delta, my airspace is finite.
Barry Plotkin: Uh-oh, Ed's going down the drain.
Ed Clabes: I am not going down the drain.
Barry Plotkin: Oh yes you are. It happens every time you use the term "finite."
Gilbert: Every theatrical performance is a contrivance by its very nature.
Sullivan: Yes, but this piece consists entirely of an artificial and implausible situation.
Gilbert: If you wish to write a Grand Opera about a prostitute, dying of consumption in a garret, I suggest you contact Mr Ibsen in Oslo. I am sure he will be able to furnish you with something suitably dull.
Tillover: That's my order. My wish, is to slow dance with you, for one minute, Compton style.
P.A. Announcer: The blouse man is on the premises.
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Honey, will you put the kids to bed?
Madman's wife: Why can't we hire a maid?
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Why did I ever get married?
Richard Twat: As we always say at the Guest House Paradiso: Have fun, don't go in the water if you know what's good for you and try not to get shit on the sheets.
Dino Velvet: If there was no honor among perverts and pornographers, the whole fucking business would fall apart.
Stan: Love is just lust in disguise, and lust fades, so you damn well better be with someone who can stand you.
T.J. Hicks: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.
Brandon: Lana, you are one cranky girl.
Lester: Janey, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself and blackmailed him for almost $60,000. Please pass the asparagus.
Dane: Don't go.
Courtney: Don't come.
Maggie Witzky: Why are you doing this?
Tom Witzky: Water softens up the dirt.