Stevie: You didn't miss... You hit everything.
Alan Mann: I can't fart loud enough to express my opinion.
Vince Boudreau: If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.
Ronna: I need a favor.
Todd: Wow, I didn't know we were such good friends, Ronna! Because if we were, you would know I give head before I give favors and I didn't even give my best friends head, so the chances of your getting a favor is pretty fucking slim.
Mrs. Shah: I will never allow my daughters to marry into this jungly family of half-breeds.
Ella Khan: Well they may be half-bred, but at least they're not friggin' inbred like those two monstrosities.
Harry: Shut the hell up, Francis, or I won't tell anyone where you are, and that would suck for you.
Rosie Forbes: You've got balls.
Maniac: You should see 'em.
Rosie Forbes: Mine are bigger.
Maniac: I've been told size doesn't matter.
Rosie Forbes: She lied.
Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.
Dutch Van Den Broeck: What happens if you don't get elected?
Kay Chandler: The country goes to hell.
Countess: Aren't you going to congratulate me?
Lord Arthur Goring: Congratulations.
Countess: Aren't you going to ask what for?
Lord Arthur Goring: What for?
Countess: I've made a great decision. I've decided to get married.
Lord Arthur Goring: My God! Who to?
Countess: That part is yet to be decided.
Joan of Arc: How dare you stop me from doing God's will?
Aulon: He didn't tell you to cut all your hair.
Joan of Arc: How dare you tell me what God tells me to do?
Aulon: Whatever, but since he's not going to come down and do it himself - I mean - at least let someone cut it properly.
Detective Jojima: My father was a small-village cop in a town where nothing ever happened. He just hung around like a scarecrow, until he died. But like they say - even a scarecrow keeps away the sparrows.
Jimmy Sands: Clip their wings? Man, could you just shoot their damn heads off? And don't miss.
Stanley Spector: This isn't funny. This isn't cute. See the way we're looked at? Because I'm not a toy. I'm not a doll. The way we're looked at because you think we're cute? Because, what? I'm made to feel like a freak if I answer questions? Or I'm smart? Or I have to go to the bathroom? What is that, Jimmy? What is that? I'm asking you that.
Jimmy Gator: I'm not sure, Stanley.
Trent: A woman has an orgasm, it's like a fuckin' earthquake, right? I was doing this one Bertha once, I swear to God it was like a 7.5. It's like, I'm lookin' at my dick, going, "Jesus Christ, why can't you do that?"
Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I have to watch my sister.
Claire Addison: I thought you were an only child?
Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I am. Sister... Mary Catherine... she's a nun... and an invalid.
Asami Yamazaki: Words create lies. Pain can be trusted.
Angie: OK, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad.
Ben: Next time, you should think before you open your mouth.