Penny: Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John?
Officer John Brown: Every time I close my eyes.
Michael Felgate: Well at least tell me what his restaurant is called, then I can sneak in, in a beard or something.
Gina Vitale: It's called The La Trattoria.
Michael Felgate: You mean La Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: No.
Michael Felgate: The La Trattoria means The The Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: I know.
Michael Felgate: Interesting. Look I have to go to the La Bathroom, and I'll be back in a sec.
Alvin: I'd give each one of 'em a stick and, one for each one of 'em, then I'd say, 'You break that.' Course they could real easy. Then I'd say, 'Tie them sticks in a bundle and try to break that.' Course they couldn't. Then I'd say, "That bundle... that's family."
Narrator: He makes his way to the long, elevated surface where he will consume small amounts of fermented grain in the hopes that it will make him more appealing to a potential mate. In fact, it has the opposite effect. The fermented grain makes all females more appealing to him.
Bryce: I only wanted to get laid, instead I'm getting fucked.
Larry Mann: Sometimes you gotta chew your own leg off to get out of life's traps.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Ben Kurtzman: You don't walk out on Sinatra, sir.
Tim Weiner: When she jumped, she probably thought she could fly.
Ann: He said not to ever do that to me again. He said that if you do he'll have you taken off to prison and locked up and you'll never ever see me again, and you'll have to eat ice-cream on your own.
Adele: You went too far with the ice cream business. He did not say that.
Ann: Yes, he did.
Adele: No, he did not.
Ann: And he wants to adopt me. He finds me very attractive.
Adele: ...Thank you Ann, Thank you. And your fiance will be back here in 2 minutes to see if we moved the car.
Cardinal: We're not afraid to die for our cause.
Jericho Cane: Good, because I'm not afraid to kill you.
Jimmie: Just give me the damn symbolic vaginas.
Marco: You are sick.
Nels Gudmundsson: Accident rules every corner of the universe... except perhaps the chambers of the human heart.
Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.
Henry Crawford: What? A compliment? Heavens rejoice, she complimented me.
Fanny Price: I complimented your dancing, Mr. Crawford, keep your wig on.
Craig Schwartz: I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about the orientation film being bullshit.
Maxine: Yes?
Craig Schwartz: I think maybe you're on to something.
Maxine: And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants.
Ghost Dog: Even if one's head were to be suddenly cut off, he should be able to do one more action with certainty. With martial valor, if one becomes like a revengeful ghost and shows great determination, though his head is cut off, he should not die.
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Detective McBain: I think I made the age-old mistake: Never trust a beautiful woman.
Assistant at Bewitched: You're wanted on the set.
Lucille: Honey, I'm wanted in seven states.