Inspector Gadget: I'm not me anymore. I'm a hardware store.
Jimmy Sands: Clip their wings? Man, could you just shoot their damn heads off? And don't miss.
Young Frank: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a minute since my last confession.
Cardinal: We're not afraid to die for our cause.
Jericho Cane: Good, because I'm not afraid to kill you.
Cynthia: We don't even have money in our budget for coffee filters. We're using a yarmulke.
Ted: I have this phobia about having my body penetrated surgically. You know what I mean?
Jim Kurring: ...whatever you wanna tell me, whatever you think might scare me, won't... and I will listen... I will be a good listener to you if that's what you want... and you know, you know... I won't judge you... I can do that sometimes, I know, but I won't... I can... listen to you and you shouldn't be scared of scaring me off or anything that you might think I'll think or on and on and just say it and I'll listen to you.
Angie: OK, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad.
Ben: Next time, you should think before you open your mouth.
Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.: The Light is green.
Tony Clifton: I think you sat in some cottage cheese. Oh, pardon me, that's your ass.
Donna: Where are we?
Joe: It's a little inlet, on the back side of Coashov Island.
Donna: Is that like up Shit Creek without a paddle?
Joe: Yeah, pretty much.
Stevie: Ah, the way.
Roy Lee: Roy Lee: H-O-M-E-R.
Andy McNab: Every soldier hopes for a major war in his lifetime. This one was mine.
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Twister: I got a four-year-old nephew who works harder than you do.
Larry Mann: Here's to the profound religious experience that comes from doing a job well and being grossly underpaid.
Friend of Aly and Melanie: She was totally edging on my squeeze, so I dinged her with a bounce-bounce in the numbers lab.
Michael Felgate: Well at least tell me what his restaurant is called, then I can sneak in, in a beard or something.
Gina Vitale: It's called The La Trattoria.
Michael Felgate: You mean La Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: No.
Michael Felgate: The La Trattoria means The The Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: I know.
Michael Felgate: Interesting. Look I have to go to the La Bathroom, and I'll be back in a sec.