Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
David Stephens: And how would you react, then, if I told you I was the Antichrist?
Mrs. Higgins: Think you can make anymore damn noise, what that damn car of yours?
Stephen: Sorry, Mrs. Higgins.
Mrs. Higgins: And stop trying to look through my dress, and see my nipples.
Cole: Stevie Wonder could follow these tracks.
Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Billy Heywood: Who would've thought they'd throw you a changeup with a three-two count and the bases loaded?
Lou Collins: I bet you did, didn't you. You did! Ya knew it.
Clifford: You wouldn't lie to me, would you Uncle Martin? 'Cause if you did I'd be so angry I don't know what I'd do.
Bones: I've seen lots of camel toes before, but never on a camel.
Pigman: "A Bridge Too Far." Caine and Hackman in the same movie. This is my thesis man! This is my closing argument! I CAN stop watching TV.
Telephone Operator: Due to the storm, all lines have been temporarily disconnected. Please try your call again later.
Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Bison: Dee Jay, has the AN deposited the twenty million in my Swiss bank?
[Dee Jay checks and finds the account empty.]
Dee Jay: Hell no, General.
Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?
Roy: Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, so sayeth the Psalms.
Judge Harry Roosevelt: That's Proverbs 12:22.
Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.
Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
Peter: This guy, by the way, could be the biggest loser who ever walked the face of the earth. He could be a grump, a jerk, a pervert, a cynic, a man who's mind is infested with dark thoughts, he could be a criminal... he could be... truly sick.
Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to abba songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.
Cliff Spab: I'd like to live forever... but only for a little while.