Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Uncle Joe: Would you mind going to the market, we're out of Oreos.
Molly: Well, we wouldn't be out of Oreos, would we, if someone hadn't sucked out all of the insides and tossed the rest away, you naughty boy.
Uncle Joe: I'm old and I'm rich. I can eat whatever parts I want. If I want to eat the goddamn box, I'll eat the goddamn box.
Telephone Operator: Due to the storm, all lines have been temporarily disconnected. Please try your call again later.
Grandpa Mori Shintaro: Before you go to Japan, you will be tested on the field of battle. Remember, four strands of rope, apart you can snap, but together you can be strong, now get out there and kick butt.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
Lieutenant Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: It was your government that brought us here.
Lieutenant Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either.
John Lennon: We're gonna be big Stu, we're gonna be too big for Liverpool, we're gonna be too big for Hamburg, we're gonna be too big for our own bloody good.
Ryan Gaerity: I've come here to create a new country for you called chaos, and a new government called anarchy.
Ed: I gotta ask this question, or I wouldn't be doing my job. Would you care to comment on the rumor that you, uh, arranged for an automobile to be purchased for Neon Bodeaux?
Coach Bell: You know [sighs]. You know, Ed, you've just gotta get your mind out of the gutter. You know, you just gotta to start thinking straight. I mean, it's right there in front of you. For christsake, it wasn't an automobile. I mean, it was a fully loaded Lexus.
Jack Hammond: That's the question on the minds of all your viewers? Whether I run out of gas or not? Tell you what, Jer. You let your viewers know that I hope Miss Voss' fear and my desperation are entertainment enough for them. After all, that is what this is all about, isn't it? The story. As it breaks. Live. Coming to you from the bad guy himself. I mean we wouldn't want your viewers to change the fucking channel, now, would we?
Felix Cortez: What would you say if I promised you that I would reduce the cocaine shipments to your country by half?
James Cutter: I'd say you were using too much of your own product.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner, maybe?
Vampira: You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm just a transvestite.
Connor MacLeod: Where is Kane?
Warrior #1: Don't worry about him. Worry about me.
Dr. Alex Hesse: My nipples are very sensitive.
Darcy: He said you're a hard man. Just how hard are you, Mr. Jones?
David Sloan: Um... hard enough.
Big Mike: Hey, Cupcake, what the fuck you think you're looking at?
Forrest Taft: Nothing much at all.
Account Guy: Stempel is an underdog. You know, people root for that. It's a New York thing.
Martin Rittenhome: Queens is not New York.
Roarke: How come you're on his side?
Gail: I'm not on anybody's side, I'm on everybody's side, I'm the mother.
