Carol: Oh, I guess we should stop, 'cause Harold has to pee.
Rudy Travis: Get back in the front. Get back up there with Harold! Get up there.
Harold Carvey, DVM: I don't want to play... this game... anymore.
Rudy Travis: You pee in your pants.
Koga Shuko: I just want total domination of one major American City! Is that too much to ask for!? Is it? Is it? Huh?
Nicholas Earp: Remember this, all of you. Nothing counts so much as blood. The rest are just strangers.
Warren: When will you get it into your head that one can produce a copious, regular and exquisitely turned evacuation every day of the week and still be a stranger to reason.
Kris: If you can't learn to accept ANYTHING on faith, then you are doomed for a life dominated by doubt.
Officer Sam 'Mad Dog' Shaw: Where you guys from, Texas?
Pepper: Texas? Ain't no real cowboys from Texas, we're from New Mexico.
Uncle Joe: Would you mind going to the market, we're out of Oreos.
Molly: Well, we wouldn't be out of Oreos, would we, if someone hadn't sucked out all of the insides and tossed the rest away, you naughty boy.
Uncle Joe: I'm old and I'm rich. I can eat whatever parts I want. If I want to eat the goddamn box, I'll eat the goddamn box.
Cliff Spab: I'd like to live forever... but only for a little while.
North: How does that get me into a good college?
Governor Ho: Well, since we don't use the letters B, C, D and F, you're pretty much guaranteed to get straight A's.
Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
Vega: My beautiful face is ruined! You bitch, I'll make you suffer.
Mrs. Higgins: Think you can make anymore damn noise, what that damn car of yours?
Stephen: Sorry, Mrs. Higgins.
Mrs. Higgins: And stop trying to look through my dress, and see my nipples.
Grandpa Mori Shintaro: Before you go to Japan, you will be tested on the field of battle. Remember, four strands of rope, apart you can snap, but together you can be strong, now get out there and kick butt.
Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Molly: My daddy doesn't think she's in heaven.
Corrina Washington: Well, that's probably just because your daddy is so jealous of the angels. He's so jealous, he can't even stand to think about those angels who get to play with your mommy all day long. And he's hurting just like you're hurting, and you're going to hurt for a long time. Every day it'll get a little better, but you'll always miss your mommy, and that's okay.
Alex Law: Look over there! It's Cameron.
Juliet Miller: Who?
Alex Law: Cameron. You remember Cameron.
Juliet Miller: No, I don't.
Alex Law: What's he doing here?
Juliet Miller: That's not him.
Alex Law: It is. Cameron! Cameron! Come on over here! Come on.
Cameron: What?
Alex Law: Nothing. We thought you were someone else. Good luck. (Cameron leaves.) I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
The Shadow: The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.