5th Nov 2020
Looking for par'Mach in all the Wrong Places - S5-E3
Quark: So, what brings you to my humble establishment? Business or pleasure?
Grilka: The recent hostilities between the Federation and the Empire have been very costly to my family. We have suffered great losses in ships, lands, warriors.
Quark: War. What is it good for? If you ask me, absolutely nothing.
5th Nov 2020
Odo: Frankly, in my humble opinion, most of you humanoids spend far too much time on your respective mating rituals.
Benjamin Sisko: It does help the procreation of one's species.
Odo: Procreation does not require changing how you smell, or writing bad poetry, or sacrificing various plants to serve as tokens of affection.
5th Nov 2020
Indiscretion - S4-E5
Quark: Captain, I would think long and hard before answering.
Captain Sisko: I didn't recall asking your opinion, Quark.
Quark: Well, maybe you should. I mean, who knows more about women than me?
Dr. Bashir: Everyone.
Quark: You hu-mans. All you want to do is please your women. You want them to be your friends, but we Ferengi know better. Women are the enemy, and we treat them accordingly. The key is to never let them get the upper hand. If she says she doesn't see you enough, threaten to see her even less. If she wants more gifts, take back the ones you've already given her. It's all about control.
Jadzia Dax: What is your woman leaves you?
Quark: That's what holosuites are for.
5th Nov 2020
Elenor Shellstrop: There's been a big mistake. I'm not suppose to be here.
Chidi Anagonye: Wait, what?
5th Nov 2020
What We Owe to Each Other - S1-E6
Jason: [Chidi walks into Jason's bud hole] Oh, hey, homie. Thanks for your advice. I'm about to give Tahani the best gift ever. Check it. [Shows a painting of Frank Caliendo].
Chidi: What?
Jason: She likes impressionist paintings, right? I got her a painting of the best impressionist of all time, Frank Caliendo. He can do it all. Fat Al Pacino, fat Jerry Seinfeld, regular John Madden.
5th Nov 2020
5th Nov 2020
Don: Congratulations, Dick, you got yourself a hell of a rhymer. I mean, I've tried to rhyme, you know. There was a dog who sat on a log, his name was...Rog? That sorta thing. Hold on to her, Dick. She's one of a kind.
Dick: So you like the the rhyming, eh? You like the rhyming?
Don: Yeah.
Dick: And what if the rhyming were never to stop? On, on, and on till your head doth pop. Oh, look! A book! A book on schnook! What kind of crook took my schnook nook book? Perchance, methinks, thee, hither, yon, thou. I think I'm going to have a freakin' cow!
Don: You sure seem to hate her, sounds really tough.
Dick: Hate is a strong word, but not strong enough.
5th Nov 2020
Dick Jokes - S2-E11
Dick: You know, it's a remarkable feeling to be able to make someone else laugh. It's almost as if you have the power to get inside their brain and, and tickle it.
Harry: Pssh. I could do that with a chopstick.
Dick: Imagine how different war would be if instead of trying to kill each other, people just showed up armed with jokes.
Sally: But you could still have guns, right? Because, you know, eventually you'd stop laughing and want to get on with the killing.
5th Nov 2020
Assault With A Deadly Dick - S1-E17
[School basketball team huddled in prayer] Coach Strickland: Dear Lord, if it be within your great wisdom and mercy, please grant us the strength and courage to beat the hell out of the Central High Muskrats. And if...
Tommy Solomon: Uh, excuse me, Coach?
Coach Strickland: We're in the middle of a prayer, Solomon.
Tommy: Yeah, but do you think we should be bothering God over a basketball game?
Coach Strickland: Well, this is important!
Tommy: But the other team's praying too. [Everyone looks at the other team] Oh, so our God is stronger than their God?
Coach Strickland: There's only one God, Solomon.
Tommy: Ah. Well, am I the only one seeing a conflict of interest here?
Coach Strickland: Yes!
5th Nov 2020
5th Nov 2020
Same Old Song and Dick - S2-E17
Dick: I just want us to be the way we were, the greatest lovers in history.
Mary: Dick, put your panties back on and sit down. We're fine, there's nothing wrong with us. Our relationship is normal.
Dick: I don't want normal. I want ceaseless joy and never-ending passion, like Romeo and Juliet.
Mary: They both wound up dead.
Dick: Anthony and Cleopatra.
Mary: Dead.
Dick: Well, that couple from Wuthering Heights.
Mary: Insane and dead.
Dick: F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda.
Mary: Drunk, insane, and dead.
Dick: Tristan ùnd Iseult.
Mary: Abgeschossen.
Dick: Aha! Siegfried and Roy!
Mary: OK, one.
5th Nov 2020
Dick: Can any of you come up with a reasonable scenario in which throwing out a piece of mail would result in having your ribs broken by a floor waxer?
Harry: Absolutely. The guy who was waxing the floor thought you were throwing out his paycheck.
Dick: No. The guy with the waxer knew nothing about it.
Tommy: Then why were you throwing out his paycheck?
Dick: No. There was no paycheck.
Sally: No paycheck? Well, no wonder the waxer dude went psycho on you.
5th Nov 2020
Dick the Mouth Solomon - S4-E18
Tommy: [Mafia accent] Look, Don, we come two different worlds, you and me, and I don't think we should be seen together no more, capisce!
Officer Don: Let me lay out the cold, hard facts for you, Tommy. If you're involved in something criminal, there's a 1 in 5 chance you'll be caught. If you're prosecuted, there's a 2% chance you'll be convicted. So don't play with fire.
5th Nov 2020
Tommy: Now this is high quality.
Sally: Oh, yeah! DVDs, baby! Digital Video...Dynamite.
Tommy: The resolution is perfect.
Sally: Oh, the colors are so alive.
Alissa: It's Leprechaun 2.
Tommy: Whoa, whoa, check this out. There's a bonus audio track where you can hear the director's comments.
Alissa: The director of Leprechaun 2!
Sally: Oh, and look, at the end you can see the original trailers for the movie.
Alissa: [Yelling] You're paying to watch commercials for Leprechaun 2!
Tommy: Digitally remastered.
5th Nov 2020
Angry Dick - S1-E13
Sally: Dick, what's wrong?
Dick: I don't know. There's an odd sensation moving through my body. [Groans] Who the hell does that stupid sack of fat think he is anyway?!
Harry: Dick?
Dick: I have a plan.
Sally: Remember, we're not allowed to liquify humans.
Dick: OK. I have another plan.
5th Nov 2020
Tina: Miss, is everything okay?
Sally: Oh, yeah, everything's great. Except you're ruining my relationship with Don.
Tina: Don?
Sally: Yeah, lady! Don Orville. I'm mean, we've been going out for over a year and all of a sudden your name comes up. And what are you trying to do to us?
Tina: Look, I was only with Don for six months. And two weeks after we broke up, he was already going out with Cheryl Fassler, and Laura Brockman after...
Sally: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...wait. [Pause] Wait. There were others?
5th Nov 2020
Sally: I don't get it. For free, murder is a horrible tragedy, but you charge $100 for it, and suddenly it's a sophisticated night out.
Tommy: But it's inappropriate for kids.
Dick: This world does need more entertainment that's acceptable for children.
Harry: Something where people are nice to each other. Something where people can just love one another.
Tommy: They have that. It's called pornography.
Dick: Then that's what kids should watch.
5th Nov 2020
Hotel Dick - S2-E3
Hotel Clerk: Good morning, Mr. Takei.
George Takei: Good morning. I'm checking out.
Hotel Clerk: Oh, of course. Here's your bill, sir.
George Takei: $3,000. Well, that's all right, I can afford it. I'm a famous actor.
Hotel Clerk: I'm sorry, that's $30,000, Mr. Takei.
George Takei: Oh my!
5th Nov 2020
The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary - S5-E9
Don: Sally? I want you to know that I accept you for who you are, and if we end up just being friends...
[Sally grabs and kisses Don]
Don: Sally!
Sally: Don. Oh man. Wow. You just kissed the gay right outta me.
Don: I did?
Sally: Uh-huh.
Don: What can I say? It's a gift.
31st Jul 2020
Larry McCoy: I'm getting too fat for this shit.
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