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Wonder Woman: Nice suit. Looking good, Flash.
Flash: Oh, uh thank you.
Wonder Woman: [To Batman] And you are welcome.
Batman: My ego's far too big to say "thank you" to someone else. I developed this all powerful persona to compensate for my childhood trauma.
Al Falcone: I too have childhood trauma.
Wonder Woman: The Lasso of Truth. Never gets old.
Batman: [Struggling to get the Lasso off] I'd do a lot better just giving all my money away. If I really wanted to end crime, I should end poverty.
Flash: [Helping with the Lasso] I know sex exists. But, I've just never experienced it.

Bishop73

Telegraph Lady: You actually want to send this?
Semmi: Why? What is wrong? Read it to me.
Telegraph Lady: "To his majesty, King Jaffe Joffer, the Royal Palace, Zamunda. Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds. Kindly send 300,000 American dollars immediately, as we are in dire straits. Your humble servant, Semi."
Semmi: Semmi.
Telegraph Lady: Semmi.
Semmi: Should I make it 400,000?
Telegraph Lady: You think that would be enough?
Semmi: You are right. 500,000.
Telegraph Lady: As long as you're asking, why don't we go for a cool million?
Semmi: You do not think that would be too much?
Telegraph Lady: Naah.

Bishop73

Prince Akeem: Oha, it is my 21st birthday. You think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself.
Oha: Most amusing, Sir. Wipers!

Bishop73

A Good Day to Die - S2-E13

Lucifer: Dearie me, these are atrocious. What self-respecting artist would actually display these?
Dan Espinoza: Dave Maddox isn't a real artist.
Lucifer: To say the least.
Dan: All of this is just a front. You see, criminals like Maddox, they use art sales to cover up money transfers. They can demand any price for a piece of art, and in return provide whatever it is their clients really want.
Lucifer: Can he provide an eye bath? I'll need one after this.

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Everything's Coming Up Lucifer - S2-E1

Lucifer Morningstar: Hello. My name is Lucifer Morningstar, and I love drugs! Love them. Mmm. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Can't get enough. And I've got lots of money. [Pulls out cash and sniffs it.] Mmmm! That I love spending on drugs.

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Marion: Mutt can be a little impetuous.
Indiana Jones: It's not the worst quality in the world. Keep your arms above the surface. When the kid comes back, grab on.
Marion: Indy, he.
Indiana: He's a good kid, Marion. You should get off his back about school.
Marion: Mutt, I mean.
Indiana: Not everybody is cut out for it.
Marion: His name is Henry!
Indiana: Henry. Good name.
Marion: He's your son.
Indiana: My son?
Marion: Henry Jones the Third.
Indiana: Why the hell didn't you make him finish school!

Bishop73

Punk Leader: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Terminator: Nice night for a walk.
Punk: Wash day tomorrow! Nothing clean! Right?
Terminator: Nothing clean. Right.
Punk Leader: I think this guy is a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Terminator: Your clothes. Give them to me. Now.

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Peter: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays"?
Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that, man.

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McComb: OK. This is a real mess now. I hope you're happy. This is a real mess. You turned what was gonna be a simple, ordinary murder into a bloodbath.

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Walker: I'm still kicking. I must be on Broadway.

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Kuni: Stupid! You're so stupid!

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Mondays, Am I Right? - S4-E11

Chidi: Hey, um, I'm sorry I said that before, man.
Jason: No, you were right. Janet and I are different. Maybe it can't last. Maybe we're like the Montagues and Capulets.
Chidi: How do you know that?!
Jason: I read some books, man! Jeez.

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Elaine: Recently I've been thinking about this friend of mine.
Carl: What friend?
Elaine: Oh, just this woman. She got impregnated by her troglodytic half-brother and decided to have an abortion.
Carl: You know, someday we're gonna get enough people in the Supreme Court to change that law.

Bishop73

Jeremy Bearimy - S3-E4

Jason Mendoza: Why don't you want your name on the opera house? I love getting my name on stuff. In Jacksonville, I got a flu virus named after me 'cause I kissed a bat on a dare.

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Sylvia Lopez: The Mayor's office today, in conjunction with the New York Board of Tourism, unveiled its new motto to replace the long-standing "I Love New York" slogan. "I Love Hookers" will now be the city's catchphrase.

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Charlie MacKenzie: Hey, mom. I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as "the paper." The paper contains facts.
May MacKenzie: This paper contains facts. And this paper has the 8th highest circulation in the whole wide world. All right? Plenty of facts. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact.

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The Suicide - S3-E15

Jerry Seinfeld: The thing I don't understand about the suicide person, is the people that try and commit suicide for some reason, they don't die, and then that's it. They stop trying. Why? Why don't they just keep trying? What has changed? Is their life any better now? No. In fact, it's worse, 'cause now they've found out, here's one more thing you stink at. That's why these people don't succeed in life to begin with. Because they give up too easy. I say if pills don't work, try a rope. Car won't start in the garage? Get a tune-up. You know what I mean? There's nothing more rewarding than reaching a goal you've set for yourself.

Bishop73

The Subway - S3-E13

Kramer: All right, Coney Island? OK, you can take the B or the F and switch for the N at Broadway and Lafayette. Or you can go over the bridge to DeKalb and catch the Q to Atlantic Avenue then switch to the IRT, 2, 3, 4, or 5. But don't get on the G. See, that's very tempting, but you wind up on Smith and 9th street, then you gotta get on the R.
Elaine: Couldn't he just take the D straight to Coney Island?
Kramer: Well yeah.

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The Alternate Side - S3-E11

Rental Car Agent: I'm sorry, we have no mid-size available at the moment.
Jerry Seinfeld: I don't understand. I made a reservation. Do you have my reservation?
Agent: Yes we do. Unfortunately, we ran out of cars.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
Agent: I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don't think you do. If you did, I'd have a car.

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The Stranded - S3-E10

Gwen: I wondered what happened to my fiancé. I know he's here somewhere. Ellen, have you seen my fiancé?
Ellen: He's upstairs.
Gwen: Are you going upstairs? Tell my fiancé I'm looking for him. I have lost my fiancé, the poor baby.
Elaine: [In an Australian accent] Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
Gwen: What?
Elaine: [Australian accent] The dingo ate your baby.

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