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Deadpool: Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! Just cleaning up the timelines.

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Deadpool: So you're an alien, I guess. How does that help us?
Shatterstar: I'm basically better than you at everything.
Deadpool: Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people that are worse than me at everything. A bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman.
Weasel: Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool: You shut your goddamn trash mouth.

Bishop73

Mr. Monk Makes A Friend - S5-E11

Monk: [On the phone with Hal] Oh that, that, that was just my assistant, Natalie. Uh? Ah, hold on, I'll see. [Speaking to Natalie] Are you hot?

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Two Sane Guys Doing Normal Things - S1-E8

Bart: You think, maybe, surprises are good sometimes? Like, there could be such a thing as a surprise that helps you?
Ken: Yes. I do. Yeah. What doesn't kill you, you know, usually makes you...
Bart: Makes you hurt real bad and makes you cry.

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Unfinished Business - S1-E10

Omar: That's the great thing about the compound bow, a great equalizer. A little bit of practice, even a girl can make that shot.

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Horizons - S1-E1

Detective Estevez: You didn't...see anything weird this morning, did you Mr. Brotzman?
Todd Brotzman: Yes. No. M-Maybe. I don't know.
Detective Estevez: Are you aware you just gave every possible response to that question? Eyebrows. [Detective Zimmerman raises his eyebrows].

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30% Iron Chef - S4-E11

Bender: You honor me, Chairman Koji.
Iron Cook Chairman: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

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My Problem With Popplers (a.k.a. The Problem With Popplers) - S2-E18

Professor Farnsworth: Hey, unless this is a nude love-in, get off my property.
Hippie Protester: You can't own property, man.
Professor Farnsworth: I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.

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Johnny Frost: Frankly, I resent being questioned every time a hooker or stripper or dominatrix gets killed in this town. Why don't you ever bug me when somebody murders a plumber?
Detective Babineaux: You hang out with a lot of plumbers?
Johnny Frost: That was rhetorical. Look, hookers, strippers, yeah. But a dominatrix? I'm a married man, Detective. I already give way too much of my money to a woman who abuses me.

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Grandmaster: Revolution? How did this happen?
Topaz: Don't know. But the arena's mainframe for the Obedience Disks have been deactivated and the slaves have armed themselves.
Grandmaster: Ooh, ah, I don't like that word.
Topaz: Which? Mainframe?
Grandmaster: No. Why would I not like mainframe? No, the "S" word, the "S" word.
Topaz: Sorry, the prisoners with jobs have armed themselves.
Grandmaster: [Smiles] OK, that's better.

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Thor: Quite a lot's happened. You and I had a fight recently.
Bruce Banner: Did I win?
Thor: No, I won. Easily.
Bruce Banner: Doesn't sound right.
Thor: Well, it's true.

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Grandmaster: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...your Incredible...Hulk!
Thor: Yes!
Loki: I have to get off this planet.

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Barber: Now, don't you move. My hands aren't as steady as they used to be.
Thor: By Odin's Beard, you shall not cut my hair, lest you feel the wrath of the mighty Thor! [Barber turns on machine]. Please. Please, kind sir, do not cut my hair. Please! No! No!

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Grandmaster: I love when you come to visit, 142. You bring me the best stuff. Whenever we get to talking, Topaz, about Scrapper 142, what do I always say? "She is the..." and it starts with a "B."
Topaz: Trash.
Grandmaster: No, not trash. Were you waiting just to call her that? It doesn't start with a "B."
Topaz: Booze hag.

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Raging Bender - S2-E12

Rich Little: The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000 to 0. A bet of $0 on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

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Couples Discount - S9-E15

Kevin Malone: Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It's been yummy. But now, Andy's coming back. So, I guess it's good-bye, chunky lemon milk.

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New Guys - S9-E1

Kevin Malone: Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat ‘em. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin.

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Michael's Last Dundies - S7-E20

Michael Scott: The Dundies are my baby, and they need to go on. When Larry King died, they didn't just cancel his show. They got Pierce Morgan to come in and do his show, and that way Larry lives on.

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Nepotism - S7-E1

Gabe: [headshot] I started dating Erin this summer. It has been, in a word, exquisite.
Erin: [headshot] Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date...if I didn't have to. But...it's been great.
Andy: [headshot] Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I've been through anger management, OK? So right now I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. How pretty. He's eating Gabe.

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Whistleblower - S6-E25

Michael Scott: It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.

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