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Marcus Burnett: Let that be a lesson to yo witch ass.

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Marcus Burnett: Look, all our lives, we've been bad boys, all right? Now it's time to be good men.
Mike Lowery: Who, in the hell, wanna sing that song? [Singing poorly] Good men, good men. What you gonna do?
Marcus: Well, maybe if you sang the song like you meant it, it'd catch on.

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[Helicopter taking off.]
Blake: [Yelling] No! He got to the chopper!

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Yesterday's Jam - S1-E1

Roy: Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? [Sighs] OK, well, the button on the side, is it glowing? Yeah, you need to turn it on. Uh, the button turns it on. Yeah. You...Yeah...You do know how a button works, don't you? No, not on clothes.
Moss: Hello, IT. Yeah huh. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?
Roy: No, no, there you go. No there you go. I just heard it come on. No, no, that's the music you hear when it comes on. No, that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry, are you from the past?
Moss: You see, the driver hooks a function by patching the system call table so it's not safe to unload unless another thread's about to jump in there and do its stuff And you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory. [Laughs]. Hello?

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Connie: [Yelling at Kate] Oh! Well, go find yourself a spin cycle!
Chet: [Yelling at Kate] Yeah, go find yourself a spin cycle. [To Connie] What the hell is that suppose to mean?

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Tricksters - S1-E17

Axel Walker: There's just one thing I've been dying to ask. Why did you choose me?
James Jesse: Because I knew you had the strength to fulfill my legacy. Besides, it was in your blood.
Axel: Wait. What do you mean in my blood?
James: The real reason I tracked you down and groomed you to be the best you could possibly be, Axel... I am your father.

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Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. For example, George Baker is now called Sylvia Wiss.

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The Pegasus - S7-E12

Admiral Blackwell: [seeing the banner] Captain Picard Day?
Captain Picard: Oh, uh... Yes, it's, uh...it's for the children. I'm a...I'm a role model.
Admiral Blackwell: I'm sure you are. Starfleet out.

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The Outcast - S5-E17

Deanna Troi: All right. This hand, the game is "Federation Day."
Worf: What is that?
Troi: Well, the Federation was founded in 2161. So...twos, sixes, and aces are wild.
Worf: That is a woman's game.
Troi: Oh? Why's that?
Worf: All those wild cards. They support a weak hand. A man's game has no wild cards.
Beverly Crusher: Let me get this straight. You're saying it's a woman's game because women are weak and need more help?
Worf: Yes.

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The Virgin Gary - S4-E1

Sara: I'm confused. We are all happy that there was only one dragon, right? We don't want to be fighting werewolves in the Alamo.
Nate: Eh...
Ray: Well, it would be good for our ratings.
Zari: What ratings?
Ray: Oh, you don't know? The Time Bureau rates all their employees. But don't worry. We have a few dedicated fans.

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Easter - S4-E16

[Glenn getting off the phone.]
Jonah: Bad news?
Glenn: Yeah, Scott Bankroft broke his leg. And now I'm playing the role of Judas.
[Jonah and Cheyenne looking at Glenn.]
Glenn: Judas Iscariot!
Jonah: Yeah, we know who Judas is.
Glenn: Son of Cyborea and Simon Iscariot.
Jonah: That I did not know.

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Get Gellar - S6-E9

Dexter Morgan: Are you okay?
Debra Morgan: Yeah, I just threw away a pair of shoes because they're full of blood, but I'm great.
Dexter: 'Cause I'm here if you need a chair.
Debra: What?
Dexter: What you said before. I'm a chair.
Debra: Yeah, but I don't want a chair. I want a table.
Dexter: Deb, what are you even saying?

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Those Kinds of Things - S6-E1

[MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" playing.]
Former Classmate: Come on, Dexter. It's hammer time.
Dexter: [internally] I have no idea what hammer time is. Or how it differs from regular time.

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We Can't Kill People! - S1-E2

Joel Hammond: Okay, we say we came across this murder site and we're just cleaning it up.
Sheila Hammond: Who cleans up murder sites?
Joel: I don't know. We're Mormons?
Sheila: Mormons don't clean up murder sites.
Joel: Mormons are helpful.

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Legend of the Dark Knight: 13 Stitches - S5-E6

Edward Nygma: [while Lucius Fox is removing the chip from his brain] Ow! Will you be careful?
Lucius Fox: If you'll stop moving, this will go a lot faster.
Edward Nygma: Well, if you would be more careful, I wouldn't potato all the long legs from the hidden spoon.
Barbara Kean: What just happened?
Lucius Fox: I believe the chip is installed against his speech center.
Barbara Kean: Huh. Do it again.
Lucius Fox: The human brain is not a play thing, Ms. Kean.
Edward Nygma: Please don't habituate the curtain rod.

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King Arthur: Run away! Run away!

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Lucius Fox: Anything else you can trouble me for?
Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit.
Lucius: Yeah. Three buttons is a little 90's, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce: I'm not talking fashion, Mr. Fox, so much as function.
Lucius: [Looking at new batsuit design] You wanna be able to turn your head.
Bruce: Sure make backing out the driveway easier.

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Coleman Reese : I want...$10 million a year, for the rest of my life.
Lucius Fox: Let me get this straight. You think that your client...one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante, who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands. And your plan is to blackmail this person? [Long pause] Good luck.

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Alfred Pennyworth: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
Bruce Wayne: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
Alfred: The Lamborghini, then. Much more subtle.

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Deadman Switch - S3-E7

Aris Boch: Doctor Jackson, if you don't mind treating my wound.
Daniel Jackson: I'm an archaeologist.
Aris Boch: I know. But you're also a doctor.
Daniel Jackson: Of archaeology.
Aris Boch: Never mind. Captain, you must have some medical training.
Samantha Carter: Actually, I'm a major now.
Aris Boch: Oh, well, how very important. I'll inform the galaxy.

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