Phaneron

Juggernaut: I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring.

Phaneron ★

Bart on the Road - S7-E20

[Bart, Milhouse and Nelson have just finished watching the film "Naked Lunch."]
Nelson: I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.

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Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song - S5-E19

Principal Skinner: I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done, and then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through? [The scene jumps forward in time.] It was on the best-seller list for 18 months. Every magazine cover had it... [The scene jumps forward in time again.]...one of the most popular movies of all time, sir. What were you thinking? I mean thank you, come again.

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New Kid on the Block - S4-E8

Lionel Hutz: This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film "The Neverending Story."

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Skinner's Sense of Snow - S12-E8

Nelson: Hey, look how much Skinner makes: $25,000 a year.
Bart: Let's see, he's 40 years old times 25 grand. Whoa, he's a millionaire.
Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one.
Nelson: Plus, in the summer, he paints houses.
Milhouse: He's a billionaire.
Skinner: If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother? [All the kids laugh at him.] They're just not responding to logic anymore.

Phaneron ★

Treehouse of Horror XIX - S20-E4

Nelson: Touch me and I'll cut your friend.
The Grand Pumpkin: What do I care? That's a yellow pumpkin.
Nelson: [Gasps] You're a racist.
The Grand Pumpkin: All pumpkins are racist. The difference is I admit it.

Phaneron ★

Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner - S5-E6

Sally: If I could change the world, I'd make every guy look like Don.
Tommy: How would you tell which one was Don?
Sally: They wouldn't all be named Don, dumbass.
Harry: I wonder what I'd look like if I looked like Don.

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Homie the Clown - S6-E15

[Krusty the Clown and Homer dressed up as Krusty are standing next to each other].
Legs: I'm seeing double here. Four Krustys.

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Bart Gets an Elephant - S5-E17

Marge: [Referring to Bart's new pet elephant] Homer, it looks like it could gore.
Homer: Heh heh, he does look like Al Gore.

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Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5

Carl: Hey, I heard we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes, but they're not so big.

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Hurricane Neddy - S8-E8

[A young Ned Flanders is tormenting other kids.]
Flanders: Wee, I'm Dick Tracy. Bam! Take that Pruneface. Now I'm Pruneface, take that Dick Tracy. Now I'm Prune Tracy, take that Dick Fa...
Dr. Foster: Ned, stop it at once.

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Indecent Dick - S4-E8

Dick: Look at you, you're all obsessed with nudity, and it's dirty, filthy and vile.
Bug: It's not dirty, Dr. Solomon.
Pittman: We all come into this world naked.
Dick: I didn't.

Phaneron ★

Burns' Heir - S5-E18

Lionel Hutz: I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.

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Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5

[Every character is throwing something into a bottomless pit.]
Homer: [Throws in evil Krusty doll] Goodbye dolly.
Italian Mobster: [Throws in dead body] Arrivederci, Vito.
Man: I was a fool to think anyone would want nude photos of Whoopi Goldberg. [Throws them into the pit, the pit throws them back out] What the?

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Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner - S11-E3

Luigi: Homer is out of control. He gave me a bad review. So my friend put a horse head in his bed. He ate the head and gave it a bad review. True story.
Captain McAllister: Arr, well I've had it with Homer. His bad reviews are sinking our businesses.
Akira: Then why did you put yours in the window?
Captain McAllister: Arr, it covered up the D from the health inspector.
Restaurant Owner: Well I say we ban Homer from our restaurants.
Akira: No, that would be impolite. I say we kill him.
Izzy: Now hold on a minute. Are we restaurateurs or are we murderers?
Captain McAllister: Does that answer your question? [Points to a plaque on the wall intended for Homer's head.]
Akira: We'll kill him at the Taste of Springfield Festival. Well give Homer all he can eat, 'til he can eat no more. Then he'll get his just dessert.
French Chef: [Showing a picture of an eclair] This will be Homer Simpson's last lagniappe.
Restaurant Owner: Come on, you're gonna kill him with a pastry? I've seen this man eat a bowl of change.
French Chef: This eclair is over one million calories, 25 lbs of butter per square inch, covered with chocolate so dark, light cannot escape its surface. [Everyone else drools and paws at the picture.] No, no, no. This is just a picture. But Homer Simpson will find the real thing both delicious and deadly.
Akira: Ah yes, death by chocolate. Ah ha ha ha.
French Chef: And poison. I'll stick in some poison.

Phaneron ★

Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish' - S7-E22

Abe: [Showing Bart his tattoo] I got this in the second World War II.

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Goo Goo Gai Pan - S16-E12

Chinese Consulate: Your adoption application is in perfect order, except for one thing. You forgot to fill out the name of your husband.
Selma: Husband.
Chinese Consulate: Of course. The Chinese government only allows wholesome married couples to adopt. No hen without cock. I apologize if that is a double entendre in your language. It is not in ours.
Selma: Don't worry, I'll just write my husband's name on this form. Have you ever heard of MacGyver?
Chinese Consulate: Oh yes. Big star. Big star. We know he's not married to you.

Phaneron ★

Lethal Inspection - S6-E6

[Bender and Hermes jump into a moving boxcar in order to avoid some Killbots, who catch up to them by forming a railroad cart.]
Bender: Ah, shoot.
Killbot #1: Someone said shoot! [The Killbots on the outside edges of the makeshift railroad cart shoot and destroy the Killbot in the middle. Bender and Hermes scale the top of the train and are approaching a tunnel.]
Bender: Well, we're boned.
Hermes: No, we're not. We just got to limbo.
Bender: But I'm not designed to bend that low. Not without limbo music. [The Killbots begin firing at Bender, and the ricocheting bullets sound like a steel drum.] That'll do it. [Bender and Hermes escape].
Killbot #2: We're gonna get fired.
Killbot #1: Someone said fire! [Shoots and destroys the other Killbot].
[Later in the episode, several Killbots have cornered Bender and Hermes, but Hermes hacks into their programming and sends them a cease fire]
Killbot #3: Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her.
Killbot #1: Someone said howitzer! [The Killbots shoot and destroy each other].

Phaneron ★

Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner - S5-E6

Dick: Does anyone remember why we all decided to be white?
Harry: Oh, um, I went with white ‘cause I thought it'd be a little cooler in the summer.
Tommy: Well don't you remember, Dick? All the television signals that we picked up in outer space were filled with white people.
Sally: Oh, except for that, uh, that black nerd with the hiked-up pants and the oversized glasses. What was his name?
Tommy: Bryant Gumbel.
Sally: Right.

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The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary - S5-E9

Sally: Dad's a great guy. You'll really like him.
Mary: Dick, you always said your father was dead.
Dick: She meant you'll like his corpse.

Phaneron ★