Best comedy movie quotes of 2005

[Quartermaine's hairpiece has been sucked up in the bunvac.]
Lord Victor Quartermaine: I want...toupee, please.
Wallace: Oh, grand. We take cheques or cash.
Lord Victor Quartermaine: Toupee, you idiot. My hair is in your machine.
Wallace: Oh, no, it's only rabbits in there. The hare I think you'll find is a much larger mammal.

Al Giordino: Hi! How are ya?

Slartibartfast: You must come with me, quickly or, or you'll be late!
Arthur: Late for what?
Slartibartfast: What? Oh, no...What is your name, earthman?
Arthur: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a kind of threat, you see.

Bo Duke: Luke, you manwhore!

Great Aunt Adelaide: Incest.

Buck Cluck: You gotta be ready to listen to your children, even if they have nothing to say.

David Bloomberg: I'm 23.
Rafi Gardet: No, you're not. I don't believe you. Let me see the license... Oh, my God! You're a child. Taxi! I have T-shirts older than you.

Stitch: Stitch not bad. Stitch fluffy.

Bailey: I want you to do something for me.
Tibby: What?
Bailey: Finish your movie.
Tibby: Why?
Bailey: Because you can.

Stewie Griffin: Look, I really don't want to go to hell, but I can't stop my nature. I'm just a hateful person.
Brian Griffin: You're not hateful you just need to control your anger. Like I do.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you mean by being sauced all day! Wait a minute! Of Course! That's it! If I'm drunk I'll be calm and if I'm calm I'll be nice, and if I'm nice then I won't go to hell. Fix me a highball I'm going to get good and tight.

Maggie Peyton: What's really your problem with me racing?
Ray Peyton Sr.: 'Cause you're the spittin' image of your mom... and... I can't lose her twice.

Sarah: If you're gonna marry someone you might as well marry your best friend.

Dave Spritz: People don't throw things at me any more. Maybe because I carry a bow around.

Walt: Oh my god, he is deranged!

Harry: Still gay?
Gay Perry: Me? No, I'm knee-deep in pussy. I just like the name so much I can't get rid of it.

Morris Buttermaker: Is that a baggy full of bacon?
Mike Engelberg: I'm on Atkins.

Bugsy: I've been shanghaiiiied.

Shane Wolfe: Rule number one: never be too eager to rush your opponent.

Pickle Factory boss: Writer huh? Are you sure?
Henry Chinaski: No, I'm not. I'm halfway through a novel.
Pickle Factory boss: What's it about?
Henry Chinaski: Everything.
Pickle Factory boss: It's about... cancer?
Henry Chinaski: Yes.
Pickle Factory boss: How about my wife?
Henry Chinaski: She's in there too.

T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.