Best comedy movie quotes of 2005

[The astronaut is throwing food onto the table.]
Danny: Are you doing this to keep Zorgons away?
Astronaut: No, I'm doing this because I've been eating paste out of a tube for fifteen years.

Al Giordino: Hi! How are ya?

Nanny McPhee: How's the reading coming along?
Evangeline: Oh... all right. I still haven't gotten to the end of the story, though.
Nanny McPhee: There's no need. You are the end of the story.

Stewie Griffin: Look, I really don't want to go to hell, but I can't stop my nature. I'm just a hateful person.
Brian Griffin: You're not hateful you just need to control your anger. Like I do.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you mean by being sauced all day! Wait a minute! Of Course! That's it! If I'm drunk I'll be calm and if I'm calm I'll be nice, and if I'm nice then I won't go to hell. Fix me a highball I'm going to get good and tight.

Maggie Peyton: What's really your problem with me racing?
Ray Peyton Sr.: 'Cause you're the spittin' image of your mom... and... I can't lose her twice.

Mr. Woolensworth: Class, turn to page 62 and translate each word in mutton. He.
Students: Baa.
Mr. Woolensworth: She.
Students: Baa.
Mr. Woolensworth: They.
Students: Baa.
Mr. Woolensworth: We.
Students: Baa.

Sarah: If you're gonna marry someone you might as well marry your best friend.

Dave Spritz: People don't throw things at me any more. Maybe because I carry a bow around.

Walt: Oh my god, he is deranged!

Daisy Duke: They planted a still on our farm.
Pauline: They planted a still? Why would they have to plant a still?
Daisy Duke: 'Cause they're too damn dumb to find our real still.

Harry: Still gay?
Gay Perry: Me? No, I'm knee-deep in pussy. I just like the name so much I can't get rid of it.

Slartibartfast: You must come with me, quickly or, or you'll be late!
Arthur: Late for what?
Slartibartfast: What? Oh, no...What is your name, earthman?
Arthur: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a kind of threat, you see.

David Bloomberg: I'm 23.
Rafi Gardet: No, you're not. I don't believe you. Let me see the license... Oh, my God! You're a child. Taxi! I have T-shirts older than you.

Stitch: Stitch not bad. Stitch fluffy.

Bailey: I want you to do something for me.
Tibby: What?
Bailey: Finish your movie.
Tibby: Why?
Bailey: Because you can.

Morris Buttermaker: Is that a baggy full of bacon?
Mike Engelberg: I'm on Atkins.

Pucci: Witchcraft!
Pucci's servant: Actually, sir, it's because hot air rises, counteracting the gravitational forces of... Witchcraft.

Fender : Welcome to Robot City. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. And if you can't make it there, welcome to the club.

Bree Osbourne: My body may be a work-in-progress, but there is nothing wrong with my soul.

Hooker (Janet Moran): Oi. You doing business, do it somewhere else, love. This pavement's got my name on it.
Patrick "Kitten" Braden: And what, pray, is your name? Concrete?
Hooker (Janet Moran): My name is scratch your eyes out, and bite your bleed'n nose off. Which is what I'll do if you don't get off my patch.
Mr. Silky String: She giving you trouble, sir?
Patrick "Kitten" Braden: Oh, no trouble at all. We were just exchanging names.