Isabel Bigelow: Guess what? I'm a witch.
Jack Wyatt: Guess what? I'm a Clippers fan.
Simon Green: Why can't black people listen to country music?
Keisha Jones: Why?
Simon Green: Because every time they say "hoe-down" they think their sister got shot.
Emily Barnes: If there's anything that I know, it's that love is infinite. You can always make more when you need it. And just because you wanna give some to somebody else, doesn't mean that you'll take any away from me.
Toby: Your parent's house is a lot nicer.
Bree Osbourne: My parent's house comes with my parents.
Fender : Welcome to Robot City. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. And if you can't make it there, welcome to the club.
Victoria: I was a virgin. My virginity was my most cherished possession. My gift from God. My gift was taken from me.
Pucci: Tragic and most damnable. What was the name of this vile seducer?
Victoria: Giacomo Casanova. When Casanova came to my room and... Robbed me... I fought for my honour
Pucci: Are you saying that you would be willing to give me the testimony that I need to hang him?
Victoria: Yes. But I would be worried about my reputation.
Pucci: Of course. But I think we could say if everything went according to plan we could return your reputation *and* your virginity to you.
Victoria: You could do that?
Pucci: Oh, yes. We are the Catholic Church. We can do anything.
Hooker (Janet Moran): Oi. You doing business, do it somewhere else, love. This pavement's got my name on it.
Patrick "Kitten" Braden: And what, pray, is your name? Concrete?
Hooker (Janet Moran): My name is scratch your eyes out, and bite your bleed'n nose off. Which is what I'll do if you don't get off my patch.
Mr. Silky String: She giving you trouble, sir?
Patrick "Kitten" Braden: Oh, no trouble at all. We were just exchanging names.
Valiant: It's not the size of your wingspan that counts, no, it's the size of your spirit.
Floyd: Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch!
T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.
Elliot Wilhelm: When are you going to call me?
Chili Palmer: When your phone rings.
Mayor Buckman: Got any last requests, boy?
Malcolm: Yeah. Kiss my black ass.
Maitre D': Whats wrong with him?
Elizabeth Masterson: It's a tension pneumothorax.
David Abbott: I think it's a tension nemothax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Nuemathax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Numathurman.
Elizabeth Masterson: Never mind.
David Abbott: Never mind.
Dylan: Chill out guys, I've got something stashed that just might help.
Brian: Dylan, we don't have time to indulge in recreational activities.
André: Who'd be dead if I hadn't saved you?
Angel-A: Who'd be dead if there wasn't anyone to save?
Pickle Factory boss: Writer huh? Are you sure?
Henry Chinaski: No, I'm not. I'm halfway through a novel.
Pickle Factory boss: What's it about?
Henry Chinaski: Everything.
Pickle Factory boss: It's about... cancer?
Henry Chinaski: Yes.
Pickle Factory boss: How about my wife?
Henry Chinaski: She's in there too.
Tom Baker: What do you do for a living Eliot?
Eliot: Well... I'm in 8th grade.
Red: What big ears you have.
The Wolf: All the better to hear your many criticisms.
Mr. Marks: Do I smell the revolting stench of self-esteem?
Michael Beardsley: Does not complaining about the move from San Diego count as my good dead for today?
Frank Beardsley: I'd sign off on that.