Angel-A: If I give you my life, would you know what to do with it?
André: If you give a man a carrot, he'll know what to do with it.
Vinnie: I thought a great place to meet girls would be night school, you know, where they teach English as a second language. You know, because these girls would be from foreign lands and, you know, maybe still a little disoriented from the journey and I would look attractive because... I speak English very goodly. But in the end it did not work out as I had hoped, I mean, basically I was told to take a hike in fourteen languages.
Otis: For half a dozen guys unloading on you so you look like a melted candle today we will gladly pay you on Tuesday. I don't know who's gonna go for that one.
Nick Persons: Oh Damn! Boy Didn't you hear what I just said?
Lindsey Kingston: Ooh, you just swore.
Nick Persons: Your damn right I swore, that's about $400 dollars worth of damage to my new car.
Lindsey Kingston: That's twice! Now you have to put two dollars in the swear jar.
Arsenio Hall: Yo, man. That's like a fresh burqa for the ghetto or something. With Yu-Gi-Oh! drawers and everything.
The Kid: So, as just a guy who gave another guy a sandwich, you have, like, any philosophical tips or anything, for a guy on a-kind of - road trip?
Don Johnston: You asking me?
The Kid: Yeah.
Don Johnston: Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future, isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is, is this. The present. That's it.
The Kid: Are you a Buddhist?
Amos Cadbury: Now wait a minute, you mean to tell me that that.
Sarah Leigh: I know it sounds crazy. Amos, I don't know how it happen. It's only thing that makes sense even if it is Twilight Zone kind of sense.
Amos Cadbury: The guy that... killed Jeremy and your daddy? That you helped send to the electric chair? Millard Findlemeyer? Has come back from the dead... to get revenge on you... inside a cookie?
Gloria: Listen... Opal... you cannot hold onto anything that wants to go. Do you understand what I'm sayin'? You just got to love it while you got it, and that's that.
Rob Brydon: The thing is, I can't act.
Steve Coogan: I know that.
Rob Brydon: ...with Gillian Anderson. I have a sexual thing for Gillian Anderson.
Julian Noble: I'm as serious as an erection problem.
Loki: Okay, no let me think. What should I turn him into?
Coop: Later on tonight, we're going to fall madly in bed.
Hollywood Henderson: Katelin.
Katelin Kingsford: Et tu, Hollywood?
Narrator: When you're a gay man, you have to feel good about yourself when a urologist says, 'Yeah. I pick you.'.
Gracie Hart: Wake up and smell the iced vente decaf caramel macchiato.
Mary "Mac" Mackenzie: You hit like a girl.
Nicholas Yuleson: You kiss like a guy.
Cousin Bo: I wanna buzz your butt.
Marienne Hotchkiss: Dance is a very powerful drug Mr. Keane. If embraced judiciously, it can exorcise demons, access deep seated emotions and color your life in joyous shades of brilliant magenta that you never knew existed. But, one must shoulder its challenges with intrepid countenance if one is ever to reap its rewards.
Romy White: Why am I the only one who sees how great I am?